Speak and stand in your truth. To thine own self be true. Follow your bliss. Be yourself. How many times have we heard and read these bits of wisdom? Follow your instincts. Know your worth. These nuggets of truth really do offer a road to happiness and peace, but are certainly harder to live by than it may appear on the surface.
The past weekent, I had the wonderful opportunity to attend a fundraising event for G-CAPP (Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention) and the focal message of the evening was to help our girls - our daughters, nieces, granddaughters, sisters- find and keep their truth, voice and their spirit as they experience the tumultuous time of change that is adolescence. The special guests- Jane Fonda and Gabby Sibide told their stories of finding, keeping, sometimes losing and then re-discovering that very essential strength of sense many years later- often in mid-life.
Our girls seem to lose that sense of fearlessness and confidence that marks early girlhood. I have written of this before- about how these tigers (or I guess tigresses) of girlhood are strong, smart, confident, funny, like to get dirty, play sports, dream BIG and excel at school. If you have any doubt, observe a gaggle of 7-11 year old girls at play or as I have in large numbers at a slumber party! Unfortunately, they often lose a little of that luster when hormones, pressure, competition for male attention and societal mores that they be "good girls" but also sexy girls, not make a scene, not outshine the boys and by all means fit in that begins to kick in with puberty.
So how do we help them keep that strength, that voice and confidence? I don't think there are any easy answers. But here is a bit of what I have picked up and will do my best to try and do as a mom: let them discover who and what they are - without pushing them in the direction of your choice, create at haven at home where she can be her true essential self, try to remember what it feels like to be 12, 13, 14 and be discovering who you are while making mistakes along the way, listen without judgement and talk even if it doesn't seem as though she is listening.
The other aha moment from the evening was really a reminder- you can't expect your daughter to keep her voice, stand up for herself and know her worth - if you don't know yours. That may actually be the most powerful tool of all in this quest. Do I stay true to me, pursue my dreams with abandon, require respect from those in my life and love myself no matter what?
In spite of all the history, the statistics and concerns - I do have great hope for this generation of girls.
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
If Money Were Not a Factor
So what would you do with your life is money were no object, if it or rather the lack of it was not a barrier or factor in your decision? Just imagine the possibilities for a few minutes. This is not necessarily the "what would you do if you won the lottery question"- but instead an exercise to help figure out your true life dreams. If money wasn't in the way...would you change careers, go back to school, travel more, pursue a dream...
I found this to be a fascinating process. It would be lovely if the money issues disappeared in the process, but of course they don't. Are you intrigued by the idea of being a kindergarten teacher but the salary doesn't work for you? Maybe there is a career working with or for children that fits you. Perhaps volunteering to teach a class at a community center or church would bring you more happiness.
This exercise helps you figure out what brings you joy and creates passion. And once you identify those passions, I do believe that while money concerns don't evaporate, once you get on track with your true life path, things seeme to line up behind you to help make it happen. There are many stories of people who have changed their lives completely, reinvented themselves and found their path and therefore joy even when the odds looked stacked against them.
So if money was not seen as a barrier for me...
* I would pursue a Master's Degree in Counseling, Education related field, Women's Studies.. or maybe them all.
* I would build a career/life coaching business- allowing me to counsel, train, faciliate, write and teach for a living.
* I would write, write, write and self publish my books and novel if need be.
* I would adopt again from an orphanage or be a foster parent.
* I would travel and show my girls the world.
Of course, step two in this exercise if the tough one. Being honest enough with yourself to clarify if lack of financial resources is really the reason why you are not on your true life path. Which of your dreams could you actually be making happen right now. I have a lot to think about.
What would you do if money were not an object?
I found this to be a fascinating process. It would be lovely if the money issues disappeared in the process, but of course they don't. Are you intrigued by the idea of being a kindergarten teacher but the salary doesn't work for you? Maybe there is a career working with or for children that fits you. Perhaps volunteering to teach a class at a community center or church would bring you more happiness.
This exercise helps you figure out what brings you joy and creates passion. And once you identify those passions, I do believe that while money concerns don't evaporate, once you get on track with your true life path, things seeme to line up behind you to help make it happen. There are many stories of people who have changed their lives completely, reinvented themselves and found their path and therefore joy even when the odds looked stacked against them.
So if money was not seen as a barrier for me...
* I would pursue a Master's Degree in Counseling, Education related field, Women's Studies.. or maybe them all.
* I would build a career/life coaching business- allowing me to counsel, train, faciliate, write and teach for a living.
* I would write, write, write and self publish my books and novel if need be.
* I would adopt again from an orphanage or be a foster parent.
* I would travel and show my girls the world.
Of course, step two in this exercise if the tough one. Being honest enough with yourself to clarify if lack of financial resources is really the reason why you are not on your true life path. Which of your dreams could you actually be making happen right now. I have a lot to think about.
What would you do if money were not an object?
Monday, October 25, 2010
Dreams, sleep, messages from my Dad ??
Have you ever had one of those dreams that seems so real, so intense that it stays with you all day, even if you try shake it? My favorite are when you wake up irritated at someone because of a dream. I had one of those last night and I wish I could remember all of the details.
My late father was in my dream last night. Not a dream about my father, but he seemed to actually be in my dream visiting me- fully recognizing that he was dead and reaching out to me. He was specifically here to give me career advice, that I unfortunately do not clearly recall. To make it stranger, he told me too look up something- to research it (of course I don't remember what it is) to prove he was real. Then my siblings were with me. My sister and I could see and hear my dad and my brothers could only feel him if they reached out. We had to sort of prove to them that he was really there. Then in the crazy way that dreams begin to shift scenes..he was gone but sending me advice by text message! Modern technology invaded this space. How strange it all seemed to be.
I have had intuitive dreams before. I remember before I learned of my ex-husband's affair (during the affair actually) that would end our marriage, I had these vivid dreams where I could not find him and a feeling of panic and sadness would wash over me. I would call and call him on the phone and he seemed to have disappeared. I would wake up and he would tell me I was imagining thimgs and to go back to sleep. The day I found out about the affair - the exact same feeling washed over me -it was downright eerie.
Of course, these two dreams are very different but I am left wondering what this latest one means. Is this my subconscious trying to tell me something? Could my father really be reaching out to me? And most importantly what was his great advice? I remember asking him in the dream, "isn't it hard for you to be here, when you are supposed to be on the other side?, can you go back and forth?" I did not get an answer but woke up with the aha moment of perception that perhaps he wasn't fully there yet because my mom is still here- they were married for 53 years and he didn't quite want to leave, even though he passed away five years ago.
I guess I need to keep a pad and paper next to my bed to capture whatever dream state wisdom comes my way. Sleep is critical for health of all types - mental, physical, emotional - it restores, heals....perhaps it connects as well. Perhaps when the mind gets that quiet then anwers come for tough questions. I wonder where those answers originate?
My late father was in my dream last night. Not a dream about my father, but he seemed to actually be in my dream visiting me- fully recognizing that he was dead and reaching out to me. He was specifically here to give me career advice, that I unfortunately do not clearly recall. To make it stranger, he told me too look up something- to research it (of course I don't remember what it is) to prove he was real. Then my siblings were with me. My sister and I could see and hear my dad and my brothers could only feel him if they reached out. We had to sort of prove to them that he was really there. Then in the crazy way that dreams begin to shift scenes..he was gone but sending me advice by text message! Modern technology invaded this space. How strange it all seemed to be.
I have had intuitive dreams before. I remember before I learned of my ex-husband's affair (during the affair actually) that would end our marriage, I had these vivid dreams where I could not find him and a feeling of panic and sadness would wash over me. I would call and call him on the phone and he seemed to have disappeared. I would wake up and he would tell me I was imagining thimgs and to go back to sleep. The day I found out about the affair - the exact same feeling washed over me -it was downright eerie.
Of course, these two dreams are very different but I am left wondering what this latest one means. Is this my subconscious trying to tell me something? Could my father really be reaching out to me? And most importantly what was his great advice? I remember asking him in the dream, "isn't it hard for you to be here, when you are supposed to be on the other side?, can you go back and forth?" I did not get an answer but woke up with the aha moment of perception that perhaps he wasn't fully there yet because my mom is still here- they were married for 53 years and he didn't quite want to leave, even though he passed away five years ago.
I guess I need to keep a pad and paper next to my bed to capture whatever dream state wisdom comes my way. Sleep is critical for health of all types - mental, physical, emotional - it restores, heals....perhaps it connects as well. Perhaps when the mind gets that quiet then anwers come for tough questions. I wonder where those answers originate?
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Lightening Up
I just finished reading amazing essays by two accomplished women - writer Elizabeth Gilbert and TV producer and writer Shonda Rhimes. Both were in a section in the latest O Magazine about happiness. They both resonated with me. They talked about our quest for having it all, self improvement and measuring ourselves by the accomplishments of others and our "lists for ourselves." It struck a chord with this woman on her reinvention journey. I do have a lot of plans and goals, many as of yet unrealized for my life.
That is not necesarily a bad thing,.... but how do you find "happiness" if you can never get it all done and meet those expectations that are often set by yourself. Elizabeth (I will call her by her first name since I have read all of her books- the most well known being "Eat, Pray, Love") wrote about how we women compare ourselves to one another and never feel like we are doing quite enough.
Here is a quote from the article that has stuck with me all day (O Magazine - May 2101 issue): "My sister Catherine, told me recently about a conversation she had with a sweet neighbor who - after watching Catherine spend an afternoon organizing a scavenger hunt for local kids- said sadly "you are a better mother than I will ever be." At which point my sister grabbed her friend's hand and said "Please lets not do this to one another OK". No seriously, please lets not. Because it breaks my heart to know that so many amazing women are waking up at 3 o'clock in the morning and abusing themselves for not having gone to art school, learning French or organizing the neighborhood scavenger hunt." She goes onto to write about how a quest for perfection can cause one not to take chances and make mistakes - which in itself is the biggest mistake of all. Because screwing up - marrying the wrong man, taking the wrong job, blowing your diet is how we learn and the "maps of our lives are created by our mistakes and lessons learned."
I have never been one of those ziplock baggie moms- the type who always had everything their kids might need -from diaper wipes when they were young, to crayons, bandaids and organic crackers- all neatly tucked and ziplocked in their purse for when they are needed. Thank God those wonderful women exist because I was the one borrowing what I needed from them. My kids watch too much TV, often sleep with me, aren't involved in as many extracurricular activities as others, went to daycare and probably eat more pizza than they should. I am not the room mom, don't buy only organic food or have a perfect house..they have seen me cry, fall apart, screw up, apologize and pick myself back up. Not the perfect mom..but a pretty darned good one. How do I know that? Because my kids are somehow turning out to be pretty great. They are smart, loving, kind and other moms always tell me how well mannered and polite they are - that part seems to happen outside of our house! We laugh, love, argue and enjoy one another. I want them to be strong, smart, make good choices in life and realize that no matter what happens -they will thrive through it.
Shonda's article (going with first name here because I watch the programs she created and produces - Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice) chronicles how easy it is to forget "our happy." Seriously, she states, "we live in a country where food is plentiful, we are safe, there is no malaria or genocide." Seems a little whiny to complain about traffic, 10- OK - 15 extra pounds- especially when you have so much. How many times do we say .. I would be happier..if I fit into those jeans, had a man in my life, wasn't struggling financially...
What if this is it? What if we need to find "our happy" right now with our lives just as they are? I think that is possible if we take the advice of both Elizabeth and Shonda and maybe lighten up on ourselves. We are not going to be perfect, it is OK to mess up, OK to take longer to reach a goal and make a mistake - date the wrong man in the quest for love, stand up to your boss, submit that imperfect manuscript. I still have my dreams and desires...but perhaps lightening up will make it a lot more fun to get there. Plus that inspires gratitude for my amazing life and allows me to find my "happy" right now..
That is not necesarily a bad thing,.... but how do you find "happiness" if you can never get it all done and meet those expectations that are often set by yourself. Elizabeth (I will call her by her first name since I have read all of her books- the most well known being "Eat, Pray, Love") wrote about how we women compare ourselves to one another and never feel like we are doing quite enough.
Here is a quote from the article that has stuck with me all day (O Magazine - May 2101 issue): "My sister Catherine, told me recently about a conversation she had with a sweet neighbor who - after watching Catherine spend an afternoon organizing a scavenger hunt for local kids- said sadly "you are a better mother than I will ever be." At which point my sister grabbed her friend's hand and said "Please lets not do this to one another OK". No seriously, please lets not. Because it breaks my heart to know that so many amazing women are waking up at 3 o'clock in the morning and abusing themselves for not having gone to art school, learning French or organizing the neighborhood scavenger hunt." She goes onto to write about how a quest for perfection can cause one not to take chances and make mistakes - which in itself is the biggest mistake of all. Because screwing up - marrying the wrong man, taking the wrong job, blowing your diet is how we learn and the "maps of our lives are created by our mistakes and lessons learned."
I have never been one of those ziplock baggie moms- the type who always had everything their kids might need -from diaper wipes when they were young, to crayons, bandaids and organic crackers- all neatly tucked and ziplocked in their purse for when they are needed. Thank God those wonderful women exist because I was the one borrowing what I needed from them. My kids watch too much TV, often sleep with me, aren't involved in as many extracurricular activities as others, went to daycare and probably eat more pizza than they should. I am not the room mom, don't buy only organic food or have a perfect house..they have seen me cry, fall apart, screw up, apologize and pick myself back up. Not the perfect mom..but a pretty darned good one. How do I know that? Because my kids are somehow turning out to be pretty great. They are smart, loving, kind and other moms always tell me how well mannered and polite they are - that part seems to happen outside of our house! We laugh, love, argue and enjoy one another. I want them to be strong, smart, make good choices in life and realize that no matter what happens -they will thrive through it.
Shonda's article (going with first name here because I watch the programs she created and produces - Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice) chronicles how easy it is to forget "our happy." Seriously, she states, "we live in a country where food is plentiful, we are safe, there is no malaria or genocide." Seems a little whiny to complain about traffic, 10- OK - 15 extra pounds- especially when you have so much. How many times do we say .. I would be happier..if I fit into those jeans, had a man in my life, wasn't struggling financially...
What if this is it? What if we need to find "our happy" right now with our lives just as they are? I think that is possible if we take the advice of both Elizabeth and Shonda and maybe lighten up on ourselves. We are not going to be perfect, it is OK to mess up, OK to take longer to reach a goal and make a mistake - date the wrong man in the quest for love, stand up to your boss, submit that imperfect manuscript. I still have my dreams and desires...but perhaps lightening up will make it a lot more fun to get there. Plus that inspires gratitude for my amazing life and allows me to find my "happy" right now..
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Gratitude, solitude and a new year
I have been remiss in my blogging duties, caught up I suppose in life- work, kids, holidays, dating and all of the wonderful things that I am supposed to be writing about. The dawning of new year and in fact a new decade seems like a good time to reflect, write and of course reinvent.
What have I learned in the past year and decade? More than I can even imagine if life experience is truly the best teacher. In the past ten years I became a mom for the second time, traveled to China again, managed some health challenges and surgery, survived the incredible pain of betrayal and divorce, mourned the loss of my father, moved, dated, worked, deepened friendships, made new friends and welcomed my sister into my home. I have cried, meditated, mothered, smiled, prayed, loved, laughed, written, read, and in the end celebrated my life..the good and the tough times. I love the concept of gratitude as a form of prayer. It is the ultimate thank you to God, the Creator, the Universe - whatever your beliefs tell you about a higher power or plan in our lives. Seems like a simple concept, but one that I must remind myself to do. Makes sense that if I want to open my life, heart and spirit to new joys, people and opportunities, I had better recognize what is all around me already.
For me that sometimes takes solitude..and getting quiet to drown out the noise of bills, kids, barking dogs, unfinished manuscripts, the ex-husband, late child support, bosses who want reports and numbers, and great guys I meet who don't seem to realize how fabulous I am (LOL) or who are not quite ready for a woman like me. My life is actually full of blessings that I see clearly when I open my eyes.
In 2010, I will find a way to give myself that solitude, quiet time for thinking, reflection, visualizing and dreaming. This is my year to manifest so much in my life- new love, a relationship, finished manuscripts, career growth or change, the completion of a half-marathon, a healthy and fit body... One of the reasons that I love walking/jogging vs. going to the gym is that it gives me a chance to be alone (a rarity in my life.) All of my dreams for the year are going to require that gift to myself of quiet time to connect with spirit and with myself. I have found meditation to be extremely helpful and soothing to my soul. Clearing my thoughts through mediation actually helps me get clarity about all the situations in my life -if of course I want clarity! Getting quiet will help me connect to write, to more clearly map out my career, to get aha moments of insight about ny kids and to recognize that special man when he shows up. It also results in me being a little kinder and more gentle with myself..
Happy New Year to all- I hope everyone finds peace, joy and your own sources of gratitude in the coming year.
What have I learned in the past year and decade? More than I can even imagine if life experience is truly the best teacher. In the past ten years I became a mom for the second time, traveled to China again, managed some health challenges and surgery, survived the incredible pain of betrayal and divorce, mourned the loss of my father, moved, dated, worked, deepened friendships, made new friends and welcomed my sister into my home. I have cried, meditated, mothered, smiled, prayed, loved, laughed, written, read, and in the end celebrated my life..the good and the tough times. I love the concept of gratitude as a form of prayer. It is the ultimate thank you to God, the Creator, the Universe - whatever your beliefs tell you about a higher power or plan in our lives. Seems like a simple concept, but one that I must remind myself to do. Makes sense that if I want to open my life, heart and spirit to new joys, people and opportunities, I had better recognize what is all around me already.
For me that sometimes takes solitude..and getting quiet to drown out the noise of bills, kids, barking dogs, unfinished manuscripts, the ex-husband, late child support, bosses who want reports and numbers, and great guys I meet who don't seem to realize how fabulous I am (LOL) or who are not quite ready for a woman like me. My life is actually full of blessings that I see clearly when I open my eyes.
In 2010, I will find a way to give myself that solitude, quiet time for thinking, reflection, visualizing and dreaming. This is my year to manifest so much in my life- new love, a relationship, finished manuscripts, career growth or change, the completion of a half-marathon, a healthy and fit body... One of the reasons that I love walking/jogging vs. going to the gym is that it gives me a chance to be alone (a rarity in my life.) All of my dreams for the year are going to require that gift to myself of quiet time to connect with spirit and with myself. I have found meditation to be extremely helpful and soothing to my soul. Clearing my thoughts through mediation actually helps me get clarity about all the situations in my life -if of course I want clarity! Getting quiet will help me connect to write, to more clearly map out my career, to get aha moments of insight about ny kids and to recognize that special man when he shows up. It also results in me being a little kinder and more gentle with myself..
Happy New Year to all- I hope everyone finds peace, joy and your own sources of gratitude in the coming year.
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