Good enough??

Do you ever feel pulled in so many directions that it doesn't seem that you are accomplishing much at all? Be it your boss, work pressures, kids, home repairs, financial pressures,family, friends - you name it. You want to be there for everyone yet often feel as though you end up not doing anything to the best of your abilities? For my single parent friends - ever feel really tired of doing it all by yourself and feel even worse that your kids just don't get what other kids do? Either not as much of your time because you are working/traveling to pay the bills or they don't get to take karate right now or have a Wii because it just is not in the budget. The balancing act can sometimes make me want to pull the covers up over my head and shut out the world for a while.

I try to then re-focus myself back to reality and the fact that it is impossible to make everyone happy, meet all expectations, be the perfect mother, the most appealing and attactive date (some of the requirements of those in the online dating world are interesting- but that is another post), a great daughter/sister/friend/colleague all of the time. Sometimes you just have to call "uncle", wave the white flag and do the best that you can. Perhaps, just perhaps, others are not expecting top performance all the time (OK maybe our bosses are- LOL) and the pressure is sometimes self-imposed.

When life and expectations get overwhelming, I have decided to try a new tactic. My life is filled with amazing and interesting people. I find people- how they think, feel, and experience life to be fascinating. Maybe this is why I enjoy books and movies; the chance to experience life through another's person's world. It is helpful for me to focus on these amazing people and getting to really know them instead of worrying about my to do list and my "I did not get it done very well at all" list.

Interestingly enough, most people tend to be less hard on us than we are on ourselves. Perhaps others are feeling just as pulled as I am. Time to take a deep breath, be really present with those around me, really focus on the little girl(s) behind those knowing brown eyes and realize that sometimes that is enough.

Balance?

Balance- and the many ways has it been described:

* delicate act or a state of equilibrium

* proportion: harmonious arrangement or relation of parts or elements within a whole (as in a design); "in all perfectly beautiful objects there is found the opposition of one part to another and a reciprocal balance"- John Ruskin

* equality of distribution

* remainder: something left after other parts have been taken away;

* support on a narrow base, so as to keep from falling; as, to balance a plate on the end of a cane; to balance one's self on a tight rope, on a scale (bleh to anything related to a scale!)

I find myself thinking about balance today. Usually that falls under the category of trying to balance my time in order to get it all done and accomplish what is on my plate. Haven't usually thought of it as a harmonious arrangement and it sure doesn't feel equitable on many days. It does often feel like a delicate balance and for the most part I do keep myself from falling!

Being the best mom that I can, keeping on top of things at work and supporting my family, taking care of my home, writing, exercise, developing and strengthening relationships, dating, opening up to love, spiritual growth, hobbies, learning - can be a lot to fit into a day - oh and let us not forget sleep! Should I finish that work project, do the dishes or play with my girls? Some days it does feel like one part of the equation is not reciprocal but in fact receives what is is left after the rest is taken away.

When I read the purpose of my reinvention journey, it sure seems like I have all of these bases covered. My work itself requires an ability to multi-task through mutiple projects and revenue streams. We did a time study to determine on which efforts we spend our time. One of my colleagues reviewed my report and said - "you need ADD to do your job." Humorous! Yes, I have a variety of duties and responsibilities and some days it may seem overwhelming..but I wouldn't have it any other way. I would be bored if my job did not have variety and continual challenges.

My children- those amazing creatures who keep me busy, sometimes distracted, laughing like crazy, but always loved beyond measure. Life as a single mom can be a balancing act..but I wouldn't miss the chance to be a mother for anything in the world. No sense of harmony or proportion would be worth not having them...my heart fills with the thought of my daughters.

Writing - what can I say except to me it is as important as breathing...must express myself through words so that has to go in the keep column of the balance scale.

Relationships, dating, passion, finding love- I need that in my life as well. I have been dating in this crazy post divorce world for a while and have a strong sense of what I want in a man. That clarity helps me keep dating in balance. It certainly helps to date a man who has kids. A dad understands the priority that children have in life. Not to mention that being a good dad/involved father make a man incredibly sexy.

So what about the rest of it - there is so much to do and balance. Will every project at work be great - no, will I miss something with my kids- yes, are my abs firm - no...but somehow it will all work out the way it is supposed to and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So tomorrow will be a balancing act- kids to the bus at 7 am, then time on the treadmill, 8 am work conference call, to Avery's classroom by 9:30 to talk about Chinese New Year, then commute to work...get in a full day, schedule a vet appt for the dog, home by 6, pick up the kids, dinner, reading practice, homework, relaxation...and on. Did I mention that I also hope to have a phone call with J - a very handsome, smart, single Dad that I have been spending time with lately..

Might be rather harmonious after all...