It is International Women's Day, a time to recognize the accomplishments of women in history and highlight the issues that remain for females around the world. We tend to sometimes think only of our own experiences and assume that the cause for gender equality is no longer necessary. Remember, it was not that long ago when women could not buy a home or even get a credit card without a husband and his approval (yikes, makes my skin crawl just typing this.) The future for my daughters is much more open than in the past and they will have so many more choices about how to create their lives than their grandmothers and great-grandmothers were given. And my daughters and I have all of the women who went before us to thank for those choices. As a mother, I say thank you to every woman and man who fought for our right to vote, own property, attend college, the list goes on....
However, lets take a look at issues that still exist here and around the world that impact the status of women:
* Lack of gender balance among those in political power - even though women make up at least half of the population. Take a look at a photo of Congress and watch an interview or two during election season with someone who "just couldn't vote for a woman"... enough said.
* In spite of the phrase "the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, the role of a wife and mother is seen as a secondary, lesser purpose. Stay at home moms are still viewed as not having a "real job."
* Women (and children) make up a disproportionate number of those living in poverty around the world.
* Instead of teaching our daughters to honor and OWN their sexuality and that it is a gift belonging to them we are teaching them that it should be fostered, packaged for others and given away. We are sexualizing girls at even younger ages instead of teaching them that their brains, talents and personality should be their focus.
* Cultures and religious traditions that consider women second class citizens and not as worthy as their male counterparts. It is easy to jump out side the USA for these examples, but lets look close to home also.
* The international sex trafficking trade- very young girls (and boys) kidnapped or sold into the sex trade. Innocence and a life destroyed. I guess we have gotten immume to horror because I still can't figure out why decent people around the world, governments around the globe, the UN, and every parent out there hasn't risen up and demanded an end to this crime.
* Rape as an act of war. Go ahead and google mass rape in the Congo and see what innocent women and children are experiencing right now as you are reading this blog.
Imagine your daughter, sister, mother in these very real circumstances that exist around the world:
* Girls are not allowed to attend school (read Three Cups of Tea or Reading Lolita in Tehran for real life searing examples.)
* Women cannot cannot divorce (but their husbands can drop them in a heartbeat.)
* Women can't drive a car
* Women can't own property
* Women are viewed as property to be bartered.
* Women can't seek preventive medical care because a man may see their body.
* A girl baby is born but her birth and life are not celebrated because she is not a boy. She may be abandoned.
* A girl has no right to say no so she is married against her will at a young age to an older man.
How does the word feminist fit into this blogpost? Somewhere along the way, the word feminist became a bad word. Women and men are afraid to call themselves one. A feminist is simply a person, man or woman, who cares about any of the issues highlighted above. A feminist is not a man-hating, bra burning scary woman, but a person who feels that women and men are equal and should have the same basic opportunity to shape their lives. Feminism is not about taking from men but about partnering with men for equality for all. What is so scary about that?
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The urge to purge!
Yes, the urge to purge (no not in an eating disorder, Black Swan kind of way) but in a real term "stuff" kind of way. Purging stuff - both literally in terms of junk, clutter, old clothes as well as outdated ways of thinking, attitudes and habits can make you feel lighter, fresher and renewed.
It is almost time for spring cleaning where I live and our recent early warm weather has pushed my purging drive into overtime. As my neighbors will attest, I get a dumpster once a year or so and get rid of junk - they often add their own junk as well. It seems as though in spite of my best efforts I accumulate extra stuff - water stained junk in the basement, old rugs, toys we don't use, holiday items, furniture, clothes. Of course, we give as much as possible to charity but there still seems to be stuff to get rid of, hence the dumpster. It is time!
I think spring cleaning is a very healthy exercise, both in terms of reducing clutter but also to clear out the mind and psyche. Not to get too "woo-woo" here but there is something real in the ancient Chinese theory of chi and energy flow- sometime you have to make room in your home and your life for the energy, ideas and air to flow. Breathing room...
The physical helps release the emotional, psychological and spiritual as well. Stuff from the past has energy, often negative or sad and memories are attached to it and tossing it can lighten the load. That is why you often hear of folks buying a new bed after a divorce. The act of cleaning, sorting, organizing, donating and tossing can be almost zenlike for me and gets me thinking about what else I need to remove from my life- any remaining baggage, old hurts, resentments or disappointments, habits I would like to change or even relationships that no longer are positive and support my growth. Ironically enough, deciding to let the past go really does work- making a decison, releasing it and then changing your thoughts impacts your mood, emotions and life.
I am working on reinvention, changing some key parts of my life and letting things and stuff go is a necessary part of the process. So it is time to clear, clean out and create. Look out neighbors- the dumpster is coming soon!
It is almost time for spring cleaning where I live and our recent early warm weather has pushed my purging drive into overtime. As my neighbors will attest, I get a dumpster once a year or so and get rid of junk - they often add their own junk as well. It seems as though in spite of my best efforts I accumulate extra stuff - water stained junk in the basement, old rugs, toys we don't use, holiday items, furniture, clothes. Of course, we give as much as possible to charity but there still seems to be stuff to get rid of, hence the dumpster. It is time!
I think spring cleaning is a very healthy exercise, both in terms of reducing clutter but also to clear out the mind and psyche. Not to get too "woo-woo" here but there is something real in the ancient Chinese theory of chi and energy flow- sometime you have to make room in your home and your life for the energy, ideas and air to flow. Breathing room...
The physical helps release the emotional, psychological and spiritual as well. Stuff from the past has energy, often negative or sad and memories are attached to it and tossing it can lighten the load. That is why you often hear of folks buying a new bed after a divorce. The act of cleaning, sorting, organizing, donating and tossing can be almost zenlike for me and gets me thinking about what else I need to remove from my life- any remaining baggage, old hurts, resentments or disappointments, habits I would like to change or even relationships that no longer are positive and support my growth. Ironically enough, deciding to let the past go really does work- making a decison, releasing it and then changing your thoughts impacts your mood, emotions and life.
I am working on reinvention, changing some key parts of my life and letting things and stuff go is a necessary part of the process. So it is time to clear, clean out and create. Look out neighbors- the dumpster is coming soon!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Race, socio-economic status and schools..oh my
Of all of the topics I have blogged about - this is probably going to be the post that makes the most people upset with me, heck I may even lose a few friends over this opinion. But I need to express it, one of the my goals is to live an authentic life and be true to my beliefs.
Once again, my neighborhood, county and city are in an uproar about school redistricting. A new high school has been built and needs to be filled, the theory is that it will relieve overcrowding. The school is in a wealthy, primarily white area of my community. The trickle down impact, of course, is some kids currently attending other high schools will change schools and the feeder middle schools and possibly even elementary schools will be impacted. Nobody likes change, especially when it impacts their kids.
One of the outcomes of these changes could be the movement of some of our community's kids who live in apartment housing and are mostly hispanic to other schools. A few years ago, the same process took place for our elementary schools and all hell broke loose as parents in all the area schools fought to prevent this from happening. One of the main reasons for the issue is that we have one elementary school in our area that is 90% hispanic. Any guesses as to why that is? When boundaries were formed- parents once again fought to make sure that those kids did not get sent to their children's schools, so a funky school map was drawn and a majority of these kids were grouped together. Guess what -those kids need to go to middle school and high school also.
One of the current fights/plans is to take some of the single family/majority white neighborhoods out of our high school district and move them over to another school- also and white and wealthier...hmmm. I live in one of those neighborhoods. What I am observing from the fracas, emails and conversations is very interesting. One email stated that we do not want the kids from "transitory housing" to be redistricted to our school or to "lose kids from the nice, single family homes to be sent somewhere else." What does that really mean? In this case it means kids in apartments, poorer families, kids with single moms and those who are hispanic. Another email said the real problem is the blight of "apartment housing" on one of the main roads in our community. Guess what, not everyone can afford a house, particularly in these tough economic times. Heck, a lot of us, including me, are one paycheck from living in an apartment. For many, living in an apartment makes financial sense- they don't want to mortgaged up to their eyeballs, might be single parents starting over, have dealt with job changes, just moved here or don't want to deal with home ownership at this point in their lives. Surely the kids in apartments are no less valuable? Should we move all of the apartment kids together and create a school for them??? Oh wait a minute..Jim Crow laws were abolished a few years ago. And here is a crazy thought - what if those kids whom we do not value for our schools are brilliant, have great potential, include the next violin first chair, football star, valedictorian?
I am located between two elementary schools - one is 95% white, one (the school my kids attend(ed), thank God) is very diverse. Why? During redistricting one year, the parents fought to keep it that way. During the last battle, one parent at the other school even said, "your school already has a lot of hispanic kids and you have the ESOL programs, you should take them." What are they afraid of?? And it is not a matter of geography because both schools are of the same distance to where the majority of the hispanic community live. The maps for our school districts are quite interesting and seem to be drawn without much logic and to keep some kids in and some kids out.
What the heck is wrong with a school that has a mix of kids - all socio-economic backgrounds, races, cultures, religions and academic ability? Why don't all the schools share in teaching the kids who may be in a minority or have fewer resources? I appreciate that it puts a burden on the school - more ESOL teachers, special classes- so why not share that effort?
Why this need to create lily white, wealthy bubbles to isolate our kids from anyone who is different? The implication of course is that these kids are somehow not as good as other kids, as valuable as students, deserve a lesser education and fewer resources. It is racism in disguise, the white flight of 2011. Maybe it is "class-ism" as much as racism, amount of money in your pocket or home value matter most. We would not even be facing the current problem of balancing our schools and the needs of some kids if we had created an equitable and reasonable map for our schools to begin with - but fear and racism prevented that from happening years ago.
But, Laurie, I will hear, you are being idealistic, those kids drive down our test scores and our home values and there is less parental involvement. Psst - your home value is already in the tank and this wouldn't make an impact if the resources and needs were addressed in multiple schools - but some parents will not let that happen. The biggest losers in this entire battle are the kids. All of them - including the ones in those lily white, resourced, wealthy schools. Why? Because life and the world are not white and wealthy. What happens when those kids go to college and/or get in the working world? The bubble will burst- big time. We live in a global economy and a diverse country.
One of the most important purposes of school is to prepare kids for life. It is more important than test scores. Learning to get along with, share a table with and working with kids who are unlike you - richer or poorer, of different religions, races, cultures and ability. The ability to do that will help you succeed in life. One of the purposes of all of those group projects is so that our kids learn how to work as a team and that everyone will have different things to contribute (just like real life work projects.) Sheltering our kids from reality prevents that from happening. School as a microcosm of our world is a very good thing. So why wouldn't the parents be fighting for diversity in the student body not against it? It is actually good for their kids and their school experience.
I, for one, hope that we are not redistricted out of our diverse schools. I love the fact that my Asian daughters have friends and classmates who are white, Asian, hispanic, black, Christian, Jewish and Muslim.
This will be an interesting process...wonder what our kids will learn from watching.
Once again, my neighborhood, county and city are in an uproar about school redistricting. A new high school has been built and needs to be filled, the theory is that it will relieve overcrowding. The school is in a wealthy, primarily white area of my community. The trickle down impact, of course, is some kids currently attending other high schools will change schools and the feeder middle schools and possibly even elementary schools will be impacted. Nobody likes change, especially when it impacts their kids.
One of the outcomes of these changes could be the movement of some of our community's kids who live in apartment housing and are mostly hispanic to other schools. A few years ago, the same process took place for our elementary schools and all hell broke loose as parents in all the area schools fought to prevent this from happening. One of the main reasons for the issue is that we have one elementary school in our area that is 90% hispanic. Any guesses as to why that is? When boundaries were formed- parents once again fought to make sure that those kids did not get sent to their children's schools, so a funky school map was drawn and a majority of these kids were grouped together. Guess what -those kids need to go to middle school and high school also.
One of the current fights/plans is to take some of the single family/majority white neighborhoods out of our high school district and move them over to another school- also and white and wealthier...hmmm. I live in one of those neighborhoods. What I am observing from the fracas, emails and conversations is very interesting. One email stated that we do not want the kids from "transitory housing" to be redistricted to our school or to "lose kids from the nice, single family homes to be sent somewhere else." What does that really mean? In this case it means kids in apartments, poorer families, kids with single moms and those who are hispanic. Another email said the real problem is the blight of "apartment housing" on one of the main roads in our community. Guess what, not everyone can afford a house, particularly in these tough economic times. Heck, a lot of us, including me, are one paycheck from living in an apartment. For many, living in an apartment makes financial sense- they don't want to mortgaged up to their eyeballs, might be single parents starting over, have dealt with job changes, just moved here or don't want to deal with home ownership at this point in their lives. Surely the kids in apartments are no less valuable? Should we move all of the apartment kids together and create a school for them??? Oh wait a minute..Jim Crow laws were abolished a few years ago. And here is a crazy thought - what if those kids whom we do not value for our schools are brilliant, have great potential, include the next violin first chair, football star, valedictorian?
I am located between two elementary schools - one is 95% white, one (the school my kids attend(ed), thank God) is very diverse. Why? During redistricting one year, the parents fought to keep it that way. During the last battle, one parent at the other school even said, "your school already has a lot of hispanic kids and you have the ESOL programs, you should take them." What are they afraid of?? And it is not a matter of geography because both schools are of the same distance to where the majority of the hispanic community live. The maps for our school districts are quite interesting and seem to be drawn without much logic and to keep some kids in and some kids out.
What the heck is wrong with a school that has a mix of kids - all socio-economic backgrounds, races, cultures, religions and academic ability? Why don't all the schools share in teaching the kids who may be in a minority or have fewer resources? I appreciate that it puts a burden on the school - more ESOL teachers, special classes- so why not share that effort?
Why this need to create lily white, wealthy bubbles to isolate our kids from anyone who is different? The implication of course is that these kids are somehow not as good as other kids, as valuable as students, deserve a lesser education and fewer resources. It is racism in disguise, the white flight of 2011. Maybe it is "class-ism" as much as racism, amount of money in your pocket or home value matter most. We would not even be facing the current problem of balancing our schools and the needs of some kids if we had created an equitable and reasonable map for our schools to begin with - but fear and racism prevented that from happening years ago.
But, Laurie, I will hear, you are being idealistic, those kids drive down our test scores and our home values and there is less parental involvement. Psst - your home value is already in the tank and this wouldn't make an impact if the resources and needs were addressed in multiple schools - but some parents will not let that happen. The biggest losers in this entire battle are the kids. All of them - including the ones in those lily white, resourced, wealthy schools. Why? Because life and the world are not white and wealthy. What happens when those kids go to college and/or get in the working world? The bubble will burst- big time. We live in a global economy and a diverse country.
One of the most important purposes of school is to prepare kids for life. It is more important than test scores. Learning to get along with, share a table with and working with kids who are unlike you - richer or poorer, of different religions, races, cultures and ability. The ability to do that will help you succeed in life. One of the purposes of all of those group projects is so that our kids learn how to work as a team and that everyone will have different things to contribute (just like real life work projects.) Sheltering our kids from reality prevents that from happening. School as a microcosm of our world is a very good thing. So why wouldn't the parents be fighting for diversity in the student body not against it? It is actually good for their kids and their school experience.
I, for one, hope that we are not redistricted out of our diverse schools. I love the fact that my Asian daughters have friends and classmates who are white, Asian, hispanic, black, Christian, Jewish and Muslim.
This will be an interesting process...wonder what our kids will learn from watching.
Monday, January 31, 2011
If Money Were Not a Factor
So what would you do with your life is money were no object, if it or rather the lack of it was not a barrier or factor in your decision? Just imagine the possibilities for a few minutes. This is not necessarily the "what would you do if you won the lottery question"- but instead an exercise to help figure out your true life dreams. If money wasn't in the way...would you change careers, go back to school, travel more, pursue a dream...
I found this to be a fascinating process. It would be lovely if the money issues disappeared in the process, but of course they don't. Are you intrigued by the idea of being a kindergarten teacher but the salary doesn't work for you? Maybe there is a career working with or for children that fits you. Perhaps volunteering to teach a class at a community center or church would bring you more happiness.
This exercise helps you figure out what brings you joy and creates passion. And once you identify those passions, I do believe that while money concerns don't evaporate, once you get on track with your true life path, things seeme to line up behind you to help make it happen. There are many stories of people who have changed their lives completely, reinvented themselves and found their path and therefore joy even when the odds looked stacked against them.
So if money was not seen as a barrier for me...
* I would pursue a Master's Degree in Counseling, Education related field, Women's Studies.. or maybe them all.
* I would build a career/life coaching business- allowing me to counsel, train, faciliate, write and teach for a living.
* I would write, write, write and self publish my books and novel if need be.
* I would adopt again from an orphanage or be a foster parent.
* I would travel and show my girls the world.
Of course, step two in this exercise if the tough one. Being honest enough with yourself to clarify if lack of financial resources is really the reason why you are not on your true life path. Which of your dreams could you actually be making happen right now. I have a lot to think about.
What would you do if money were not an object?
I found this to be a fascinating process. It would be lovely if the money issues disappeared in the process, but of course they don't. Are you intrigued by the idea of being a kindergarten teacher but the salary doesn't work for you? Maybe there is a career working with or for children that fits you. Perhaps volunteering to teach a class at a community center or church would bring you more happiness.
This exercise helps you figure out what brings you joy and creates passion. And once you identify those passions, I do believe that while money concerns don't evaporate, once you get on track with your true life path, things seeme to line up behind you to help make it happen. There are many stories of people who have changed their lives completely, reinvented themselves and found their path and therefore joy even when the odds looked stacked against them.
So if money was not seen as a barrier for me...
* I would pursue a Master's Degree in Counseling, Education related field, Women's Studies.. or maybe them all.
* I would build a career/life coaching business- allowing me to counsel, train, faciliate, write and teach for a living.
* I would write, write, write and self publish my books and novel if need be.
* I would adopt again from an orphanage or be a foster parent.
* I would travel and show my girls the world.
Of course, step two in this exercise if the tough one. Being honest enough with yourself to clarify if lack of financial resources is really the reason why you are not on your true life path. Which of your dreams could you actually be making happen right now. I have a lot to think about.
What would you do if money were not an object?
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Ten Friends Every Woman Should Have
Friends! I think that having a circle of friends in your life is important, not just important but a key driver to happiness. I had a fairly tough week and once again two of my friends in particular pulled me out of the quagmire - one with gentle reassurance and an I love you and one with a tougher talk - knock it off, make a change and get it in gear. Both were messages I needed to hear at the time.
Even when in a relationship or marriage, friends are as important as air to breathe for women. It may be the same for men but not being one, I will leave that post to a male writer. Friends fill a variety of roles- playmate, confidant, advisor, companion and sister. They will laugh with you, cry with you, celebrate your joys, hold your hand, drag you through hell and back, stand by your side no matter what and they understand. They understand what it feels like to stand in your shoes and try to balance all the roles: daughter, mother, sister, spouse, lover, provider....etc.
In the spirit of fun and celebration of friendship and kindred spirits, here are the ten friends every woman should have in her life:
1. An old friend.. OK, I don't neccessarily mean old as in age, but someone who has known you for a long time. There is something strangely comforting about having a girlfriend in your life who knew you 20 years and 20 lbs ago, when you had boundless energy, could rebound in a blink of an eye from a night out and had no need for Spanx. She knows your youthful dreams, first love(s) and nickname in college. That shared history can keep you and and your friendship grounded. We can lose these friendships as we grow, move away from one another and develop new interests. But with a true "old" friend, when you do chat or re-connect it feels like it was just yesterday that you were last together.
2. Fellow mom ... I tell all of the younger women in my life who are about to have babies- there is an unexpected bonus coming your way- you will be making wonderful new friends in the parents of your children's classmates and playmates. The common bond of motherhood, especially with kids of similiar ages creates a quick sense of intimacy with these women. I have found some of my closest friends through my kids. Birthday parties, carpool, school activities - take full advantage of meeting these women. The sisterhood of motherhood is very real.
3. I am game girl. You know the one- always up for a party, shopping trip, impromptu night out or weekend. She will be there at the drop of a hat. In her heyday, she might have been the life of the party on a regular basis and she can always be counted on to bring fun, joy and humor to any situation. Planning a party or a shower, need a boost of confidence, a laugh or someone with whom you can share a bottle of wine or pitcher of martinis- she is the girl to call. No party or gathering is complete wihout her spirit and sense of fun.
4. I have your back girl. She can always be counted on to be on your side, no matter what. There are times when you just need that. You don't need someone to analyze the situation, make suggestions, to do lists- blah, blah, blah. You just need someone who will tell you that you are FABULOUS (because really you ARE fabulous no matter what you think), that you do not look fat, agree that your boss is an ass, your husband/boyfriend is acting like a jerk and that EVERYTHING will be OK in the end. She will dry your tears, make you laugh and pour you a glass of wine or a cup of tea while making a voodoo doll of your ex.
5. The straight shooter. She is a true friend who really has your best interests at heart. She will be completely honest - your new hair color doesn't really flatter you, you can complete that half marathon if you try and forget the skinny jeans. This friendship is built on trust and love. You may cry your eyes out with the "I have your back girl", but the next morning you are on the phone with the straight shooter getting advice on headhunters, career plans, divorce attorneys or the best way to handle a problem. She is smart (very often smarter than you- always have at least one friend smarter than you are), organized and loves you, always. She will be compassionate and help you at the same time- she is the one you want dragging you through a tough time.
6. The workout buddy/special interest friend.. the alarm rings at 5 a.m. to exercise...bleh, BUT your workout buddy will be waiting for you. She may hate or may love to workout but she forces herself to do it and is a great influence on you. If exercise isn't your thing, what is- having a buddy who shares your passion for cooking, french class, scrapbooking, photography, dancing makes it twice the fun.
7. The mentor- I have been fortunate in my life to have had some amazing professional, spiritual and personal mentors. Women who have advised, guided and supported me during career and life changes. These women have been older than me, more seasoned in the work place and pushed through barriers ahead of me. They have often been through similiar life challenges and give great advice. I am now trying to pay it forward and mentor some of the younger women in my life. Find a mentor in your field and be a mentor- what a great way to enrich your life.
8. The stylish/shopper friend- She or he always knows where to find the best bargains and has that innate sense of style - think of Clinton and Stacey on What Not to Wear. Need a shopping trip? This friend is ready. Buying a special outfit or gift- she would love to go with you and gives great advice.
9. The platonic male friend - find him at work, the gym, school, anywhere. Many women fill this role with a gay male friend but it can work with a straight guy as long as there is no unspoken attraction or agenda. Men have a great way of clearing through the clutter and giving focused advice. It is lovely to have that look into the male psyche.
10. The spiritual one. Think wisdom, great conversation, sharing ideas. You probably share a similiar spiritual philosophy but perhaps not. Reading a great new spiritual book, attending a seminar, class on meditation, bible study- you have that in common. Lets face it, sharing your opinion on "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle is just more meaningful when the other person "gets it."
Celebrate friendship!
Even when in a relationship or marriage, friends are as important as air to breathe for women. It may be the same for men but not being one, I will leave that post to a male writer. Friends fill a variety of roles- playmate, confidant, advisor, companion and sister. They will laugh with you, cry with you, celebrate your joys, hold your hand, drag you through hell and back, stand by your side no matter what and they understand. They understand what it feels like to stand in your shoes and try to balance all the roles: daughter, mother, sister, spouse, lover, provider....etc.
In the spirit of fun and celebration of friendship and kindred spirits, here are the ten friends every woman should have in her life:
1. An old friend.. OK, I don't neccessarily mean old as in age, but someone who has known you for a long time. There is something strangely comforting about having a girlfriend in your life who knew you 20 years and 20 lbs ago, when you had boundless energy, could rebound in a blink of an eye from a night out and had no need for Spanx. She knows your youthful dreams, first love(s) and nickname in college. That shared history can keep you and and your friendship grounded. We can lose these friendships as we grow, move away from one another and develop new interests. But with a true "old" friend, when you do chat or re-connect it feels like it was just yesterday that you were last together.
2. Fellow mom ... I tell all of the younger women in my life who are about to have babies- there is an unexpected bonus coming your way- you will be making wonderful new friends in the parents of your children's classmates and playmates. The common bond of motherhood, especially with kids of similiar ages creates a quick sense of intimacy with these women. I have found some of my closest friends through my kids. Birthday parties, carpool, school activities - take full advantage of meeting these women. The sisterhood of motherhood is very real.
3. I am game girl. You know the one- always up for a party, shopping trip, impromptu night out or weekend. She will be there at the drop of a hat. In her heyday, she might have been the life of the party on a regular basis and she can always be counted on to bring fun, joy and humor to any situation. Planning a party or a shower, need a boost of confidence, a laugh or someone with whom you can share a bottle of wine or pitcher of martinis- she is the girl to call. No party or gathering is complete wihout her spirit and sense of fun.
4. I have your back girl. She can always be counted on to be on your side, no matter what. There are times when you just need that. You don't need someone to analyze the situation, make suggestions, to do lists- blah, blah, blah. You just need someone who will tell you that you are FABULOUS (because really you ARE fabulous no matter what you think), that you do not look fat, agree that your boss is an ass, your husband/boyfriend is acting like a jerk and that EVERYTHING will be OK in the end. She will dry your tears, make you laugh and pour you a glass of wine or a cup of tea while making a voodoo doll of your ex.
5. The straight shooter. She is a true friend who really has your best interests at heart. She will be completely honest - your new hair color doesn't really flatter you, you can complete that half marathon if you try and forget the skinny jeans. This friendship is built on trust and love. You may cry your eyes out with the "I have your back girl", but the next morning you are on the phone with the straight shooter getting advice on headhunters, career plans, divorce attorneys or the best way to handle a problem. She is smart (very often smarter than you- always have at least one friend smarter than you are), organized and loves you, always. She will be compassionate and help you at the same time- she is the one you want dragging you through a tough time.
6. The workout buddy/special interest friend.. the alarm rings at 5 a.m. to exercise...bleh, BUT your workout buddy will be waiting for you. She may hate or may love to workout but she forces herself to do it and is a great influence on you. If exercise isn't your thing, what is- having a buddy who shares your passion for cooking, french class, scrapbooking, photography, dancing makes it twice the fun.
7. The mentor- I have been fortunate in my life to have had some amazing professional, spiritual and personal mentors. Women who have advised, guided and supported me during career and life changes. These women have been older than me, more seasoned in the work place and pushed through barriers ahead of me. They have often been through similiar life challenges and give great advice. I am now trying to pay it forward and mentor some of the younger women in my life. Find a mentor in your field and be a mentor- what a great way to enrich your life.
8. The stylish/shopper friend- She or he always knows where to find the best bargains and has that innate sense of style - think of Clinton and Stacey on What Not to Wear. Need a shopping trip? This friend is ready. Buying a special outfit or gift- she would love to go with you and gives great advice.
9. The platonic male friend - find him at work, the gym, school, anywhere. Many women fill this role with a gay male friend but it can work with a straight guy as long as there is no unspoken attraction or agenda. Men have a great way of clearing through the clutter and giving focused advice. It is lovely to have that look into the male psyche.
10. The spiritual one. Think wisdom, great conversation, sharing ideas. You probably share a similiar spiritual philosophy but perhaps not. Reading a great new spiritual book, attending a seminar, class on meditation, bible study- you have that in common. Lets face it, sharing your opinion on "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle is just more meaningful when the other person "gets it."
Celebrate friendship!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
snow and intuition...
How often do you listen to that little voice in your head? Not a big voice telling you to do illegal things - but the quieter one, the sense of knowing what to do or what decision to make. Is it your conscience, your heart, divine guidance, a whisper from an angel or your own unique brand of well worn wisdom? Whatever you call it, in my experience- that voice is usually right on target.
Occasionally, when life gets busy and crowded, it becomes hard to hear and sometimes even harder to listen to that voice. Sometimes it is loud and clear - like a warning bell and at other times it is much softer. I find that I am more likely to ignore this wisdom when I don't quite like what it has to say, perhaps I need to make a significant change in my life that seems impossible, a relationship is no longer working, or I should do something that I have been avoiding.
Intuition is like the snowstorms so many of us have experienced lately. It starts off as beautiful soft flakes- light, fun to play with and lovely. It can then become deeper, distracting and insistent that you pay attention. Sometimes when ignored, the guidance gets stronger and uncomfortable - like the pellets of an ice storm.
I am trying to do a better job of not only listening to my guidance but actually acting on the wisdom that I receive...no matter how uncomfortable it may be. I will take a beautiful snowfall over an ice storm any day.
Occasionally, when life gets busy and crowded, it becomes hard to hear and sometimes even harder to listen to that voice. Sometimes it is loud and clear - like a warning bell and at other times it is much softer. I find that I am more likely to ignore this wisdom when I don't quite like what it has to say, perhaps I need to make a significant change in my life that seems impossible, a relationship is no longer working, or I should do something that I have been avoiding.
Intuition is like the snowstorms so many of us have experienced lately. It starts off as beautiful soft flakes- light, fun to play with and lovely. It can then become deeper, distracting and insistent that you pay attention. Sometimes when ignored, the guidance gets stronger and uncomfortable - like the pellets of an ice storm.
I am trying to do a better job of not only listening to my guidance but actually acting on the wisdom that I receive...no matter how uncomfortable it may be. I will take a beautiful snowfall over an ice storm any day.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
The web of life
What a week- my sweet Avery's birthday and gotcha day! Eight years ago this week, she was born near Gaoming, China and placed in a cardboard box, with a blanket and a note with her date of birth. She was left on a busy street corner for authorities to find. After being discovered, she was taken to the local police station and then onto a local orphanage. I cannot imagine the pain, sorrow and love that her birthmother experienced in these moments. She made sure that the baby was covered with a blanket and knew the date of her birth. She took the baby girl to a crowded location where she would be found. One piece of the web of life...
Seven years ago this week, that same baby girl was placed in my arms and officially became my daughter. I say officially, because she has always felt like my daughter (both of my girls and I share deep, soul-based bonds) and has been connected to me forever. Another thread....
Avery meets her family including two sisters - one was my stepdaughter, Dani, and one was Lily who was adopted from China four years earlier. Two girls from neighboring provinces in China became sisters thousands of miles away in the United States. Three knots in the thread....
It amazes me how many people have entered my life, come together, connected and wrapped themselves around my heart. And quite often, they have arrived exactly when needed and often showed up unexpectedly. I remember meeting my friend Jan after adopting Lily. I was searching for another parent and writer who might share common beliefs about adoption and the spiritual connections that it makes real. She had a website, books and resources about the topic and I went on to write and publish. We kept in touch over the years and when I went through the end of my marriage, for some reason I felt compelled to reach and confide in her. It turns out that she had gone through the same experience and ended up being a great source of support. Another thread...
The end of a marriage, surviving betrayal - tough things to go through, but guess what- I met some wonderful people as a result of that painful experience. I joined and later helped co-faciliate an online support group for betrayed spouses. Through that group, I met two amazing women whom I now consider dear friends. I finally met Jen- one of these ladies, when I traveled for work recently. She has now connected with my friend Jan with whom she shares professional interests. More threads knotted....
Family, friends, lovers, colleagues, teachers, mentors, neighbors have all come into my life and sometimes left it - all with a specific purpose and on the right timetable. They have laughed and cried with me, challenged me and supported me as I have loved, disagreed and been in their corner as well. Sometime the relationships have lasted and in other cases, they served their purpose at that point in my life and ended. But all had a reason to exist. More threads, some long and some short....
The web of life- so many threads, knots and twists and turns. If you want a prettier picture, think of a lace doily- patterns and beauty that while being created seems mismatched or that it could easily unravel. When complete, though, it is gorgeous and made of intricate woven threads.
Seven years ago this week, that same baby girl was placed in my arms and officially became my daughter. I say officially, because she has always felt like my daughter (both of my girls and I share deep, soul-based bonds) and has been connected to me forever. Another thread....
Avery meets her family including two sisters - one was my stepdaughter, Dani, and one was Lily who was adopted from China four years earlier. Two girls from neighboring provinces in China became sisters thousands of miles away in the United States. Three knots in the thread....
It amazes me how many people have entered my life, come together, connected and wrapped themselves around my heart. And quite often, they have arrived exactly when needed and often showed up unexpectedly. I remember meeting my friend Jan after adopting Lily. I was searching for another parent and writer who might share common beliefs about adoption and the spiritual connections that it makes real. She had a website, books and resources about the topic and I went on to write and publish. We kept in touch over the years and when I went through the end of my marriage, for some reason I felt compelled to reach and confide in her. It turns out that she had gone through the same experience and ended up being a great source of support. Another thread...
The end of a marriage, surviving betrayal - tough things to go through, but guess what- I met some wonderful people as a result of that painful experience. I joined and later helped co-faciliate an online support group for betrayed spouses. Through that group, I met two amazing women whom I now consider dear friends. I finally met Jen- one of these ladies, when I traveled for work recently. She has now connected with my friend Jan with whom she shares professional interests. More threads knotted....
Family, friends, lovers, colleagues, teachers, mentors, neighbors have all come into my life and sometimes left it - all with a specific purpose and on the right timetable. They have laughed and cried with me, challenged me and supported me as I have loved, disagreed and been in their corner as well. Sometime the relationships have lasted and in other cases, they served their purpose at that point in my life and ended. But all had a reason to exist. More threads, some long and some short....
The web of life- so many threads, knots and twists and turns. If you want a prettier picture, think of a lace doily- patterns and beauty that while being created seems mismatched or that it could easily unravel. When complete, though, it is gorgeous and made of intricate woven threads.
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