For My Daughters

Happy Mother's Day to all.   I spent this day with my extraordinary daughters and just watching them makes me want to tell them so much! 

For my daughters:

• Remember that no matter what happens in life, no matter how hard it may get- you are fully and completely loved.

• Never doubt for one minute that you were wanted and longed for.  Being adopted never makes you second choice or second best.

• We were meant to be together as a family, our spiritual/soul connection is deeper than biology.  Lily- on my 35th birthday I was single, ready to be a mom and confident you were waiting for me in China.  I registered that day with the adoption agency and began my quest to find you.  Avery, I was married when you came into my life.  I am so grateful to God for not giving me biological children at that point, I cannot imagine not having you as my daughter.  I never knew that I even had fertility issues until I had adopted Lily, gotten married and tried to get pregnant.  But I wouldn't change a thing about how it turned out.

• Be good to one another, love one another, forgive one another and be the sister that you want to have in your life.  Having a sister for a best friend is a blessing beyond compare.

• You are so much more than you even realize- you have strengths, talents and more gifts than you can imagine.  Lily- your strength and tough exterior belies a tender heart of gold and sweetness.  Avery- your sensitivity and tenderness cover up a core of steel- you are stronger and more resilient than you know.

• Forgive, forgive, forgive others even when they haven't asked you to do so.  But most of all, forgive yourself.  You are going to make mistakes and to screw up sometimes, that is OK,  Just don't beat yourself up over it. 

• Find and keep a circle of girlfriends- they will celebrate with you, share your pain and are more important to have in your life than you can possibly imagine.

• To quote the amazing Dr.Maya Angelou- " When someone shows you who they are believe then the first time."  Don't believe what someone says to you (especially a romantic interest) - believe what they do and how they show you who they are.

• Find a spiritual path and practice to strengthen your link to the Divine.

• I am going to screw up as a mother sometimes.  I do my best but this can be a hard job.  Please forgive me when I make a mistake.

• Be grateful for everything in you have in this crazy life.  Gratitude is the most profound form of prayer.

• Your sexuality belongs to you and is a gift.  Don't give it away carelessly, bargain with it or use it to get ahead.  It is for you and your beloved alone.

• You are beautiful just as you are.

• Life is shorter than you can imagine and the older you get, time flies even faster- treasure every minute and make it matter. 

• Happiness can be fleeting with life's ups and downs- search instead for joy.  Moments of  joy can be found every single day- sometimes it is a simple moment and sometimes it is a grand gesture.  Joy is all around us.

• A man should never, ever hit you- period, end of story.

• I love you beyond measure- you will learn what that really means when you become a mom.

• I carry you in my heart- I always have- across time, geography and lifetimes- and I always will.

Wish I could give them the world!

What a fabulous week for me! We celebrated Avery's 9th birthday and her gotcha day. Eight years ago this week, a few days after her first birthday, Avery was placed in my arms in Guangdong province, China and will forever be my daughter. She spent the first year of her life in an orphanage in Gaoming and adopting her is one the two best decisions of my life. The other best decision was adopting my other daughter Lily, from Jiangxi province several years earlier.

Parenthood is a marvelous spiritual, physical and emotional journey and has fulfilled something in me that I don't think could have been met any other way. I believe so strongly in life plans and soul agreements which are basically deals we make with one another and God before birth. We agree to love, challenge, teach and help one another grow and learn the lessons that we are here to learn. I think of my girls as walking testaments of faith because their entrance into my circle this lifetime was filled with twists, turns, agreements and reaching across thousands of miles for one another. I am lucky to have them because seeing them daily reminds me of how the hand of the divine helps guide us if we let it and that the universe will line up behind you to make your dreams happen if you are on the right path.

I hope my children's book Together Again begins to shed a little light on this beautiful mystery of life, how the cord between heaven and earth is real. Now I need to write more, in different genres to continue to spread the word.

My extraordinary daughters have so many gifts and much to offer the world and one another. I watch them together and realize that they are probably not even aware of how much they are learning from each other. My wish is that they cherish one another for a lifetime. As their mom, I wish I could give them the world, open all the doors possible so they can grow into the women they are meant to be and fulfill the soul agreements that they have made. I am truly blessed to be a witness to it!

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all of my friends, family and readers of this blog whom I have never met! This is a day to celebrate all the moms who carry life, give birth, adopt a child, step-parent, foster parent and mentor. A salute to those who love a child, guide a child and share their very heart and soul.

Becoming a mother is such a profound, life changing experience that it is almost impossible to describe to someone who has not heard the words.."MOM- where is my backpack?, MOM, can we go shopping.., "Mommy, I love you." My daughters fill my heart with such joy and light that I can't really even remember, or maybe I don't want to remember life without them. I remain convinced that we have been together in previous lives. Yes, I believe in reincarnation and this dance of life that we experience together is one of a number of times we have laughed, loved and learned as a family. We are connected on levels that are far deeper than biology or environment- our very souls are linked.

While the journey to become a mother to my daughters feels magical, an act of destiny and full of love, I am reminded on days like today that there is sadness beneath the joy. There are two women in China who weren't able to keep and raise their baby daughters. They took their infants to public places, wrapped them in blankets and left them for authorities to find. Those sweet babies where taken to orphanges and then made their way into my arms as my own daughters through adoption. I have no judgement here- the pressure on women to give birth to sons, the one couple/one child policy in China, poverty and a patriarchal society is an intense combination. I can't imagine the pain and sorrow that the birthmothers felt and probably still do. Their loss became my joy.

My heart breaks for these women- my daughters' birthmothers. I wish we knew them. I have to believe that somehow they know that those babies are now beautiful girls who are beloved and treasured. I take some spiritual comfort in the fact that I believe that I am connected to these women as well. This tangle of emotions and connection that wrapped our lives together was deliberate and meant to provide us all with lessons and purpose.

So on this special day, I celebrate all the wonderful moms across the world. Mothers are powerful in ways that can truly change history. The love we feel for our children spans generations, distance, race, boundaries and lifetimes.

Tigers!

Today marks the dawn of a new year on the Chinese calendar - year 4708- the Tiger. Tigers are known for passion, optimism, courage, strength, bravery, and beauty. In Chinese astrology, tiger years can be full of change, new beginnings and sometimes upheaval and challenge- of course those with tiger attributes can thrive.

The image that keeps coming to mind is similarity between this vision and the house full of tigers I had here on Saturday night. We celebrated Lily's 11th birthday with bumper cars, arcade games, laser tag and then a slumber party. These seven tigers were 5th grade girls - 11 and 10 year olds on the verge of massive change in their lives. Changes are beginning in this 5th grade group but nothing dramatic enough yet to edge out their fabulous characteristics.

Girls this age are strong, unafraid to be who they are, ready for new adventures, fun, hopeful, smart, creative and still willing to express an honest opinion. They are more defined by their own thoughts, wants, intellect and challenges than others opinions of them. It is cool to be smart or atheletic. It is not cool to be less than yourself. Hormones, peer pressure, self image woes and competition have yet to mask these fabulous traits and glorious individuality.

I am fully aware that change is coming, they however, do not grasp the full depth with which their lives will be transformed in the coming years. I hope and pray that these amazing girls are able to keep their tiger spirit through the changes.
Once that spirit fades so you can fit in, not make waves, be a "team player" and meet others expectations and needs- it can take years to get it back. For some of us, that tiger spirit does not return until age 40 or so when we really stop caring, once again, what others think of us and how we live our lives.

For now, I will enjoy being around these spirited young girls and remember that fearless moment in time. Maybe some of it will rub off on me!