Have you ever had one of those dreams that seems so real, so intense that it stays with you all day, even if you try shake it? My favorite are when you wake up irritated at someone because of a dream. I had one of those last night and I wish I could remember all of the details.
My late father was in my dream last night. Not a dream about my father, but he seemed to actually be in my dream visiting me- fully recognizing that he was dead and reaching out to me. He was specifically here to give me career advice, that I unfortunately do not clearly recall. To make it stranger, he told me too look up something- to research it (of course I don't remember what it is) to prove he was real. Then my siblings were with me. My sister and I could see and hear my dad and my brothers could only feel him if they reached out. We had to sort of prove to them that he was really there. Then in the crazy way that dreams begin to shift scenes..he was gone but sending me advice by text message! Modern technology invaded this space. How strange it all seemed to be.
I have had intuitive dreams before. I remember before I learned of my ex-husband's affair (during the affair actually) that would end our marriage, I had these vivid dreams where I could not find him and a feeling of panic and sadness would wash over me. I would call and call him on the phone and he seemed to have disappeared. I would wake up and he would tell me I was imagining thimgs and to go back to sleep. The day I found out about the affair - the exact same feeling washed over me -it was downright eerie.
Of course, these two dreams are very different but I am left wondering what this latest one means. Is this my subconscious trying to tell me something? Could my father really be reaching out to me? And most importantly what was his great advice? I remember asking him in the dream, "isn't it hard for you to be here, when you are supposed to be on the other side?, can you go back and forth?" I did not get an answer but woke up with the aha moment of perception that perhaps he wasn't fully there yet because my mom is still here- they were married for 53 years and he didn't quite want to leave, even though he passed away five years ago.
I guess I need to keep a pad and paper next to my bed to capture whatever dream state wisdom comes my way. Sleep is critical for health of all types - mental, physical, emotional - it restores, heals....perhaps it connects as well. Perhaps when the mind gets that quiet then anwers come for tough questions. I wonder where those answers originate?
Monday, October 25, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Race...it matters when it is you...
I have the amazing honor of raising two children who happen to be of a different race - Asian, chinese to be precise. People have asked me "are they mixed with something" when they see us together. I suppose that is a roundabout way of figuring out if I have an Asian husband or if they are indeed adopted. I am tempted to say, "yes, most days they are mixed with sugar but some days they are mixed with attitude like their mother!" Curiosity about our situation aside, raising Chinese daughters has been a fascinating experience when it comes to race, ethnicity and how much it impacts your life experience.
I was born and raised in your typical white, Catholic, middle class existence. Not too much diversity in my life. In fact, I think I was in about 3rd grade before I realized that everyone was not Catholic. In my small, sheltered world, everyone went to the same church and parish school. I made friends with people different than myself in high school and college and of course when I got in the work force, my world opened up even more. I have always been comfortable around folks of different backgrounds so I didn't really concern myself too much with the the trans-racial aspect of adopting my kids. Before adopting and shortly after, I read alot and attended various seminars about parenting kids of another culture or race to get ready to face any issues that would occur. Sometimes, I think we like to tell ourselves that it doesn't really matter, people should not or do not see color and that people make a bigger deal out of race than they need to and are too sensitive. That is an easier reaction when you happen not to be the one in the minority.
I remember when I first felt the flaw in that theory. Lily was about 18 months old and I had some photos taken at Sears. We had spent a lot of time outside that summer including a trip to the beach and in spite of my generous use of sunscreen, Lily's skin had deepened to a gorgeous tan. I stood at counter at Sears as the photos of kids came up on the screen. Up popped this photo of a beautiful, brown skinned Asian child and for a split second I had that exact thought before I recognized my own child. I had never thought of her as anything other than my Lily. In that moment all those many years ago, I had one of the biggest revelations of my life- that other people are going to see and first identify my child by her race. Before they even get to know her, some people will already have begun the process of forming an opinion about her and what she might be like.
That does not happen to me and I am not identified or described by my race. People do not say - "Oh yeah, I know Laurie, she is white, mom of two..." However, when you are of a different race or ethnicity, it sets you apart and is s defining factor in how others see, describe you and potentially react to you. And you are reminded of that fact every time you look in the mirror. It is something that I will never be able to fully understand since I have never experienced it. Of course, I do not believe that all people are out there making judgements every day about my girls or other people of color. But the fact is that it does and will happen at some point in their lives. The closest way I can try to relate is remembering times when I dealt with others who made assumptions about me because I am a woman. I remember many years ago when we stopped at a fast food restaurant in a rural area on the way to the beach, the young lady at the counter, asked this of my step-daughter about her sisters.. "what are they?" Dani responded, "they are children" and walked away.
I am fortunate that my girls attend very diverse elementary and middle schools so they have tons of exposure to children and adult of many backgrounds. Avery is still young enough to be living in childhood innocence about race. She and her classmates are not color-blind- they know they have differences, but they think those things that set them apart are cool. "Isn't it neat that Neha is Indian - she celebrates Diwali." "Speaking Spanish with my friends is fun."
Lily is entering a whole new world of awareness about race and identity. I asked her the other day what she remembers about our trip to China to adopt Avery. Lily was just about 5 years old and we took her with us on the journey. She remembers the long plane ride, falling asleep in her dinner and recalls thinking that "for once everyone else looked like she did." Her mom was the one who didn't look like the rest of the people around her.
I am watching Lily expand her circle of friends to include more and more girls of color. Before middle school started, she was having an online chat with three of those friends- one is Indian and two are African-American. She explained that the topic of conversation was about how the kids from one of the local elementary schools that feed into their new middle school were going to treat them. She explained that they went on a joint field trip with this school last year and there was only one child from that school class who was not white. Would the kids from this school treat them differently because they were not white? Of all the things they could be discussing before the start of middle school - this was on their mind. Obviously, one or more of the girls had experienced or read or heard something to cause concern. Of course, all worked out fine, the kids are all becoming friends and things are pretty smooth.
I will admit that I am in unfamiliar territory as I strive to help my girls navigate the waters of race. I am observing my eldest as she figures out who she is and how being from China fits into that picture. She seems to look everywhere for undertones of judgement about race and racism in TV shows, movies and in how others act. From what I have read, this is probably a very natural reaction and phase at this stage of her development as she learns how to grow and thrive and deal with uncertainty. Over time and through experience, she will learn how to more closely discern what is real and what is not. She will learn that for every person of prejudice, there is another who is not. She will learn to be careful not assume that she knows another's intention. She will learn to be strong and to be proud of being Chinese so that another's opinion will lose power.
I do not have the answers, but I do know that the world is not colorblind and when you are the one who is different, you feel that more deeply. My job is to help my daughters understand that yes they will be identified as Asian and that is a very good thing. The world is filled with an infinite variety of people - thank God. Imagine how boring it would be if it were not.
I was born and raised in your typical white, Catholic, middle class existence. Not too much diversity in my life. In fact, I think I was in about 3rd grade before I realized that everyone was not Catholic. In my small, sheltered world, everyone went to the same church and parish school. I made friends with people different than myself in high school and college and of course when I got in the work force, my world opened up even more. I have always been comfortable around folks of different backgrounds so I didn't really concern myself too much with the the trans-racial aspect of adopting my kids. Before adopting and shortly after, I read alot and attended various seminars about parenting kids of another culture or race to get ready to face any issues that would occur. Sometimes, I think we like to tell ourselves that it doesn't really matter, people should not or do not see color and that people make a bigger deal out of race than they need to and are too sensitive. That is an easier reaction when you happen not to be the one in the minority.
I remember when I first felt the flaw in that theory. Lily was about 18 months old and I had some photos taken at Sears. We had spent a lot of time outside that summer including a trip to the beach and in spite of my generous use of sunscreen, Lily's skin had deepened to a gorgeous tan. I stood at counter at Sears as the photos of kids came up on the screen. Up popped this photo of a beautiful, brown skinned Asian child and for a split second I had that exact thought before I recognized my own child. I had never thought of her as anything other than my Lily. In that moment all those many years ago, I had one of the biggest revelations of my life- that other people are going to see and first identify my child by her race. Before they even get to know her, some people will already have begun the process of forming an opinion about her and what she might be like.
That does not happen to me and I am not identified or described by my race. People do not say - "Oh yeah, I know Laurie, she is white, mom of two..." However, when you are of a different race or ethnicity, it sets you apart and is s defining factor in how others see, describe you and potentially react to you. And you are reminded of that fact every time you look in the mirror. It is something that I will never be able to fully understand since I have never experienced it. Of course, I do not believe that all people are out there making judgements every day about my girls or other people of color. But the fact is that it does and will happen at some point in their lives. The closest way I can try to relate is remembering times when I dealt with others who made assumptions about me because I am a woman. I remember many years ago when we stopped at a fast food restaurant in a rural area on the way to the beach, the young lady at the counter, asked this of my step-daughter about her sisters.. "what are they?" Dani responded, "they are children" and walked away.
I am fortunate that my girls attend very diverse elementary and middle schools so they have tons of exposure to children and adult of many backgrounds. Avery is still young enough to be living in childhood innocence about race. She and her classmates are not color-blind- they know they have differences, but they think those things that set them apart are cool. "Isn't it neat that Neha is Indian - she celebrates Diwali." "Speaking Spanish with my friends is fun."
Lily is entering a whole new world of awareness about race and identity. I asked her the other day what she remembers about our trip to China to adopt Avery. Lily was just about 5 years old and we took her with us on the journey. She remembers the long plane ride, falling asleep in her dinner and recalls thinking that "for once everyone else looked like she did." Her mom was the one who didn't look like the rest of the people around her.
I am watching Lily expand her circle of friends to include more and more girls of color. Before middle school started, she was having an online chat with three of those friends- one is Indian and two are African-American. She explained that the topic of conversation was about how the kids from one of the local elementary schools that feed into their new middle school were going to treat them. She explained that they went on a joint field trip with this school last year and there was only one child from that school class who was not white. Would the kids from this school treat them differently because they were not white? Of all the things they could be discussing before the start of middle school - this was on their mind. Obviously, one or more of the girls had experienced or read or heard something to cause concern. Of course, all worked out fine, the kids are all becoming friends and things are pretty smooth.
I will admit that I am in unfamiliar territory as I strive to help my girls navigate the waters of race. I am observing my eldest as she figures out who she is and how being from China fits into that picture. She seems to look everywhere for undertones of judgement about race and racism in TV shows, movies and in how others act. From what I have read, this is probably a very natural reaction and phase at this stage of her development as she learns how to grow and thrive and deal with uncertainty. Over time and through experience, she will learn how to more closely discern what is real and what is not. She will learn that for every person of prejudice, there is another who is not. She will learn to be careful not assume that she knows another's intention. She will learn to be strong and to be proud of being Chinese so that another's opinion will lose power.
I do not have the answers, but I do know that the world is not colorblind and when you are the one who is different, you feel that more deeply. My job is to help my daughters understand that yes they will be identified as Asian and that is a very good thing. The world is filled with an infinite variety of people - thank God. Imagine how boring it would be if it were not.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Changing the world?
I have had some energizing conversations lately with people dedicated to changing the world - literally, transforming people's lives. Fighting disease, ensuring clean water is safe in developing countries, teaching, protecting and empowering girls and women... Making a difference and strengthening connections with others have always been personal and professional goals of mine- my career has been dedicated so far to the non-profit world. I try to make sure that my personal choices: how and where I volunteer, what I read, write and study, donate and how I raise my family reflect this goal. Is changing the world for the better, too lofty of a personal goal?
The challenge on the professional side of the equation is balancing idealism with realism. For instance, the need to make sure that I can support my family through my work. Finding that balance is often tricky because on the one hand you want to follow your heart and passion..on the other, there are bills to pay, braces needed and college tuition looming in the future.
I have come to realize that the balance is possible, if you focus on the broader perspective. For instance, passions can be followed and pursued as a volunteer. I can write about adoption, spiritual connection and volunteer to talk to prospective parents but don't need to look for a job running an adoption agency. I can expose my children to some reality of the world around them and how they can improve it while still giving them a stable and joy filled childhood.
I read a fascinating article by Martha Beck in this month's O magazine about finding your life's purpose. Discovering what you love to do now and used to love as a child, what gets you in the zone and causes you to lose track of time. These can be important keys. However, translating that to a purpose in life is a bit trickier - you love to bake....that does not necessarily mean you want to or should want to open a bakery. But, what is it about baking that is so appealing - creativity, research/searching for recipes, following and/or testing recipes, feeding others, the sensual aspects - rolling dough, smell of baking cookies. Those may be the keys that you look for to find life's purpose- be it professional or personal.
My trigger is that I do need to feel that my professional life is an extension of my personal mission to make a difference and positively impact the world. I feel as though my life would be wasted if I don't try to make the impact that I believe that I can. I feel this burning need to teach about how interconnected we all are on a deep level. I am going to be mad at myself on my deathbed if I have not written some of the things that I need to and have not yet done. Certainly, I have made some decisions in my life that have been spot on correct and necessary for my life to have purpose - prime example is adopting my daughters.
As I sit here at 47 - midlife and mid-career (yes mid-career: I will be working at something forever), I remind myself of that fact. Yes, non-profit work has its challenges, but for now it does resonate with me and allow me the ability to make a difference. For others, that purpose and ability to change the world may come from a professional life in the for profit sector - starting a business, creating art or music that brings joy, working for a company and being a great manager and coach, creating much needed jobs, making a great salary and generous donations... The key , I think, is finding your own passion and purpose and fulfilling it in a heart centered, generous way.
If we don't try to change the world...who will?
The challenge on the professional side of the equation is balancing idealism with realism. For instance, the need to make sure that I can support my family through my work. Finding that balance is often tricky because on the one hand you want to follow your heart and passion..on the other, there are bills to pay, braces needed and college tuition looming in the future.
I have come to realize that the balance is possible, if you focus on the broader perspective. For instance, passions can be followed and pursued as a volunteer. I can write about adoption, spiritual connection and volunteer to talk to prospective parents but don't need to look for a job running an adoption agency. I can expose my children to some reality of the world around them and how they can improve it while still giving them a stable and joy filled childhood.
I read a fascinating article by Martha Beck in this month's O magazine about finding your life's purpose. Discovering what you love to do now and used to love as a child, what gets you in the zone and causes you to lose track of time. These can be important keys. However, translating that to a purpose in life is a bit trickier - you love to bake....that does not necessarily mean you want to or should want to open a bakery. But, what is it about baking that is so appealing - creativity, research/searching for recipes, following and/or testing recipes, feeding others, the sensual aspects - rolling dough, smell of baking cookies. Those may be the keys that you look for to find life's purpose- be it professional or personal.
My trigger is that I do need to feel that my professional life is an extension of my personal mission to make a difference and positively impact the world. I feel as though my life would be wasted if I don't try to make the impact that I believe that I can. I feel this burning need to teach about how interconnected we all are on a deep level. I am going to be mad at myself on my deathbed if I have not written some of the things that I need to and have not yet done. Certainly, I have made some decisions in my life that have been spot on correct and necessary for my life to have purpose - prime example is adopting my daughters.
As I sit here at 47 - midlife and mid-career (yes mid-career: I will be working at something forever), I remind myself of that fact. Yes, non-profit work has its challenges, but for now it does resonate with me and allow me the ability to make a difference. For others, that purpose and ability to change the world may come from a professional life in the for profit sector - starting a business, creating art or music that brings joy, working for a company and being a great manager and coach, creating much needed jobs, making a great salary and generous donations... The key , I think, is finding your own passion and purpose and fulfilling it in a heart centered, generous way.
If we don't try to change the world...who will?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Penny pinching with a mindset of abundance?
Are we living in a time of creative abundance or scarcity? Keeping a positive mindset about money, doing what you love, visualizing success, utlizing the law of attraction - do these methods still work in an economic environment that others around you call a recession? Or is it more important than ever to "think and grow rich." Some may consider it new age "woo-hoo" but it is fascinating to read how many self created successful people from Henry Ford to Suzi Orman to Tony Robbins believe that your attitude and thoughts about money and abundance form the foundation of success. It becomes challenging to maintain that attitude when every news outlet proclaims recession, jobless rates and people all around you are seem to be losing their jobs or struggling.
I told the universe "no thank you, I do not accept your invitation to the recession." However, some of its unwelcome essence has oozed into my life anyway- a house in which what I owe and costs of repairs/upgrades needed to sell mean I would be under if I sold, leftover divorce debt, reduced income, and expenses that are going up as my girls get older. When I fall off of the "positive wagon", it can sometimes be hard to breathe as I think of college expenses looming in the future and current home repair dollars needed. Like so many others, finances are my biggest source of stress. I am not person who needs a ton of money or wants a bigger house, I just want to be comfortable and secure, able to support my family, make a difference in the world and pursue a few dreams.
However, when I do breathe through it, I try to get back to creating a plan to penny pinch and create abundance even when surrounded by economic negativity.
* Remember to be grateful for what I do have- a job, the capacity and skills to look for a higher paying one, a home, family, health and talents. I remind myself that the job market is opening up, headhunters are calling, and everyone I know from my company who lost their position last year has found a good job. I know a great opportunity will come my way.
* Remember the lesson that you should always have more than one income stream in your life. Your job may me be one but always have another iron in the fire - freelance, side business, something that could bring in additional dollars.
* Don't forget your dreams and passions - even if your current job does not provide you an outlet for them. Dream, visualize, research, write, plan, scheme, volunteer... do something to bring those to life. And look for a way to turn them into that second revenue stream. I will be writing, looking to publish and sell, working with a friend on a business idea and baking - buy your holiday cookies from me!
* Clip coupons, bring your lunch to work, comparison shop, swap books, shop consignment shops. I need to be smarter about the grocery store and we love to eat out which needs to be an occasional treat for us. So how do you reconcile living a life of visualizing abundance with pinching pennies. Spending money and valuing my resources is a way to express gratitude by not being wasteful.
* Read inspirational books and articles about abundance and try to stay away from reading the negative. There is a fine balance between understanding the reality of the world around and staying open to the fact that we are constantly creating and adding to the universe. There is enough to go around, the pie can get bigger after you take your piece.... or bake another one.
How are you building abundance??
I told the universe "no thank you, I do not accept your invitation to the recession." However, some of its unwelcome essence has oozed into my life anyway- a house in which what I owe and costs of repairs/upgrades needed to sell mean I would be under if I sold, leftover divorce debt, reduced income, and expenses that are going up as my girls get older. When I fall off of the "positive wagon", it can sometimes be hard to breathe as I think of college expenses looming in the future and current home repair dollars needed. Like so many others, finances are my biggest source of stress. I am not person who needs a ton of money or wants a bigger house, I just want to be comfortable and secure, able to support my family, make a difference in the world and pursue a few dreams.
However, when I do breathe through it, I try to get back to creating a plan to penny pinch and create abundance even when surrounded by economic negativity.
* Remember to be grateful for what I do have- a job, the capacity and skills to look for a higher paying one, a home, family, health and talents. I remind myself that the job market is opening up, headhunters are calling, and everyone I know from my company who lost their position last year has found a good job. I know a great opportunity will come my way.
* Remember the lesson that you should always have more than one income stream in your life. Your job may me be one but always have another iron in the fire - freelance, side business, something that could bring in additional dollars.
* Don't forget your dreams and passions - even if your current job does not provide you an outlet for them. Dream, visualize, research, write, plan, scheme, volunteer... do something to bring those to life. And look for a way to turn them into that second revenue stream. I will be writing, looking to publish and sell, working with a friend on a business idea and baking - buy your holiday cookies from me!
* Clip coupons, bring your lunch to work, comparison shop, swap books, shop consignment shops. I need to be smarter about the grocery store and we love to eat out which needs to be an occasional treat for us. So how do you reconcile living a life of visualizing abundance with pinching pennies. Spending money and valuing my resources is a way to express gratitude by not being wasteful.
* Read inspirational books and articles about abundance and try to stay away from reading the negative. There is a fine balance between understanding the reality of the world around and staying open to the fact that we are constantly creating and adding to the universe. There is enough to go around, the pie can get bigger after you take your piece.... or bake another one.
How are you building abundance??
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Its a small world ...after all
Never fear, I am not going to repeat this phrase over and over again like some sort of annoying soundtrack that gets stuck in your brain. I was just struck again today how small the world really is and how connected our lives truly seem to be. Have you ever discovered that one of your Facebook friends is connected to another one of your friends from a different part of your life, your past, or from another part of the country? And they didn't meet through you. Now of course the world is not supposed to revolve around you, but how the heck does that happen?
Technology has certainly impacted this shrinking universe of ours and we are more aware than ever of the joys, tribulations and challenges of those separated from us, be it by geography or the distance of of socio-economic status. I was blown away to see the stats for this blog and find that it had been viewed (many times mind you) in the United States, Canada, Brazil, China, Latvia, United Kingdom, Australia, Germany, Russia and Denmark. I have never been to most of those countries - so how did we connect. If you are one of those people - leave a comment so I can meet you!
My up close and personal experience with a shrinking world came through the amazing arrival of my daughters into my life. Two babies living in orphanages in China become the light and love of my life and they could not be more my children than if I had given birth to them. I was profoundly and forever changed by this experience. Beyond the joys and lessons of motherhood, I learned that we as human beings are far more alike than different. In spite of differences in race, religion, country of origin, sexual orientation, culture- our human experience and spiritual essence connect us and create more similarities than we sometimes like to recognize. It is a fascinating experience to spend time in another country with a vastly different government system, culture, language and history.... and to have someone greet you with a warm smile, handshake, hug and genuine interest in who you might be. Folks who just want to take care of their families, make a living, foster friendships, be healthy, enjoy life and often help one another.
This transformative experience is why I feel so compelled to get involved with organizations like CARE and am concerned about international issues. It could be me or my daughters sold into sex slavery or not allowed to attend school or born into poverty in this country. Being born in fortunate circumstances doesn't mean we are better than others or get to turn a blind eye to the rest of the world. As my dear friend Cathy likes to say, "there but for one different chromosone go I."
There must be a reason for our shrinking world and perhaps it means we can't claim ignorance anymore. I am not some sort of unusually enlightened person - there are thousands of blended families - children or spouses of different races, religions, political beliefs or backgrounds. If we can combine families in the most intimate of ways, surely we can come together on other issues. In this wonderful country - we have an even more common experience. In amazes me that we can't see our common ground and have become so polarized by politics, race and religion. Disagreeing with a person's political beliefs does not mean it is OK to call them names, demonize them and get personal attacks. If we can cross international boundaries to connect, surely we can do it within our borders. The danger comes from resisting, becoming fearful and retreating into a bubble to avoid the unknown. Ironically that bubble (some call it the good old days) is pretty bland, colorless and dry when you think about it. Our lives are richer, fuller and more colorful when our experiences are more broad.
Think of the magnificent potential of a more connected, caring world. There are brilliant minds on opposite sides of the planet who can now work together and inspire one another. Maybe the skills and genius needed for the cure for cancer or AIDS is in school child in Pakistan or comes from a collaborative project of researchers in the US, China and Australia. Maybe all orphans could find a home. Maybe what appear to be the overwhelming problems of the planet and environment could be improved by combining the energies and efforts of many. Idealistic? Absolutely. Unrealistic...yes by current circumstances. But as the world gets smaller. perhaps just perhaps it could be a future possibility.
Technology has certainly impacted this shrinking universe of ours and we are more aware than ever of the joys, tribulations and challenges of those separated from us, be it by geography or the distance of of socio-economic status. I was blown away to see the stats for this blog and find that it had been viewed (many times mind you) in the United States, Canada, Brazil, China, Latvia, United Kingdom, Australia, Germany, Russia and Denmark. I have never been to most of those countries - so how did we connect. If you are one of those people - leave a comment so I can meet you!
My up close and personal experience with a shrinking world came through the amazing arrival of my daughters into my life. Two babies living in orphanages in China become the light and love of my life and they could not be more my children than if I had given birth to them. I was profoundly and forever changed by this experience. Beyond the joys and lessons of motherhood, I learned that we as human beings are far more alike than different. In spite of differences in race, religion, country of origin, sexual orientation, culture- our human experience and spiritual essence connect us and create more similarities than we sometimes like to recognize. It is a fascinating experience to spend time in another country with a vastly different government system, culture, language and history.... and to have someone greet you with a warm smile, handshake, hug and genuine interest in who you might be. Folks who just want to take care of their families, make a living, foster friendships, be healthy, enjoy life and often help one another.
This transformative experience is why I feel so compelled to get involved with organizations like CARE and am concerned about international issues. It could be me or my daughters sold into sex slavery or not allowed to attend school or born into poverty in this country. Being born in fortunate circumstances doesn't mean we are better than others or get to turn a blind eye to the rest of the world. As my dear friend Cathy likes to say, "there but for one different chromosone go I."
There must be a reason for our shrinking world and perhaps it means we can't claim ignorance anymore. I am not some sort of unusually enlightened person - there are thousands of blended families - children or spouses of different races, religions, political beliefs or backgrounds. If we can combine families in the most intimate of ways, surely we can come together on other issues. In this wonderful country - we have an even more common experience. In amazes me that we can't see our common ground and have become so polarized by politics, race and religion. Disagreeing with a person's political beliefs does not mean it is OK to call them names, demonize them and get personal attacks. If we can cross international boundaries to connect, surely we can do it within our borders. The danger comes from resisting, becoming fearful and retreating into a bubble to avoid the unknown. Ironically that bubble (some call it the good old days) is pretty bland, colorless and dry when you think about it. Our lives are richer, fuller and more colorful when our experiences are more broad.
Think of the magnificent potential of a more connected, caring world. There are brilliant minds on opposite sides of the planet who can now work together and inspire one another. Maybe the skills and genius needed for the cure for cancer or AIDS is in school child in Pakistan or comes from a collaborative project of researchers in the US, China and Australia. Maybe all orphans could find a home. Maybe what appear to be the overwhelming problems of the planet and environment could be improved by combining the energies and efforts of many. Idealistic? Absolutely. Unrealistic...yes by current circumstances. But as the world gets smaller. perhaps just perhaps it could be a future possibility.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Pure transforming love
I have watched in amazement as my girls settled into 2nd and 6th grade over the last few weeks. They are both doing incredibly well and I can't help but marvel at the transformation over the last few years in my youngest child.
When we brought Avery home from China 6 1/2 years ago she was an underweight, sick, incredibly shy, sad little one year old girl. My daughter cried for almost the entire two weeks we were in China -as anyone in my travel group will attest! As the days went by in China, she decided she would not cry when I held her or when she slept. The poor child had an ear infection, sore throat, intestinal parasites, and had been handed off to perfect strangers. Once we got some antibiotics into her system - she began to heal. I was incredibly blessed that she really just had typical childhood illnesses- very treatable, just easily spread in a crowded orphanage.
It was quite an interesting dynamic because adopting Lily was a completely different experience- when handed to me, she promptly peed on me, laughed at that, cried for about 10 minutes and then was content. Avery tells me now that she cried so much as a payback to me for taking so long to come to China and get her!
In addition to my girls having completely different personalities and temperments, their orphanage experiences varied dramatically. Lily was in a more rural setting- the only photos we saw of the orphanage were from a distance and it looked rather run down. Even though she may have missed material comforts; I could tell that Lily was loved and cared for while she was an infant. She was a chubby little baby and her caretaker nanny cried when she handed her over to me. Avery was in a crowded urban orphanage and I do not believe she had the one on one love and attention that Lily received.
So that became my purpose - love, love, love her, shower her with affection and stimulation and give her the attention, help (speech therapy has been remarkable) and care she needed. Over time and with lots of love, this child has blossomed, grown and transformed into an incredible little girl. She is affectionate, caring and loving. This is my child who covers me with hugs and kisses and tells me she loves me every day. She has grown confident, no longer clings to me and loves school. She has gone from being painfully shy to a child who makes friends easily and cares deeply for people, animals and all living things.. she is truly a remarkable soul. I can only imagine the good she will do in the world. Those who will have her in their lives will be lucky.
I certainly have been lucky to have her in mine. Both of my girls have given me more love than you can imagine. I am so blessed to have been the recipient of their pure, transforming love. They have changed me in more ways than I can list. In loving them, I have been transformed as well. I wish all the folks out there who are considering adoption would put aside their fears and realize what joy they are missing. There are always risks and challenges when deciding to become a parent through adoption or through biology. The love and joy far outweighs all else. If you feel there is a child waiting for you...go for it. The love will transform both of you.
When we brought Avery home from China 6 1/2 years ago she was an underweight, sick, incredibly shy, sad little one year old girl. My daughter cried for almost the entire two weeks we were in China -as anyone in my travel group will attest! As the days went by in China, she decided she would not cry when I held her or when she slept. The poor child had an ear infection, sore throat, intestinal parasites, and had been handed off to perfect strangers. Once we got some antibiotics into her system - she began to heal. I was incredibly blessed that she really just had typical childhood illnesses- very treatable, just easily spread in a crowded orphanage.
It was quite an interesting dynamic because adopting Lily was a completely different experience- when handed to me, she promptly peed on me, laughed at that, cried for about 10 minutes and then was content. Avery tells me now that she cried so much as a payback to me for taking so long to come to China and get her!
In addition to my girls having completely different personalities and temperments, their orphanage experiences varied dramatically. Lily was in a more rural setting- the only photos we saw of the orphanage were from a distance and it looked rather run down. Even though she may have missed material comforts; I could tell that Lily was loved and cared for while she was an infant. She was a chubby little baby and her caretaker nanny cried when she handed her over to me. Avery was in a crowded urban orphanage and I do not believe she had the one on one love and attention that Lily received.
So that became my purpose - love, love, love her, shower her with affection and stimulation and give her the attention, help (speech therapy has been remarkable) and care she needed. Over time and with lots of love, this child has blossomed, grown and transformed into an incredible little girl. She is affectionate, caring and loving. This is my child who covers me with hugs and kisses and tells me she loves me every day. She has grown confident, no longer clings to me and loves school. She has gone from being painfully shy to a child who makes friends easily and cares deeply for people, animals and all living things.. she is truly a remarkable soul. I can only imagine the good she will do in the world. Those who will have her in their lives will be lucky.
I certainly have been lucky to have her in mine. Both of my girls have given me more love than you can imagine. I am so blessed to have been the recipient of their pure, transforming love. They have changed me in more ways than I can list. In loving them, I have been transformed as well. I wish all the folks out there who are considering adoption would put aside their fears and realize what joy they are missing. There are always risks and challenges when deciding to become a parent through adoption or through biology. The love and joy far outweighs all else. If you feel there is a child waiting for you...go for it. The love will transform both of you.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Good-bye to the rut!
Time to get out of the rut! I think the balance between the comfort of routine and falling into a life-sucking rut is dicey. On the one hand, routine helps us get things accomplished in our lives, to work and school activities on time..etc. On the other hand, it can create a pattern of life, behavior and actions that make life sort of a numb, dull existence - in a word -BORING! Same route to work, same job, same meals, same workout routine, same Saturday night plans, same music, same TV shows. And then wondering why our lives don't change or improve. Reminds me of the defition of insanity- doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result.
I have seen interesting studies lately about how important new activities are to keeping the brain well wired. Changing things up, trying something different, developing new skills helps stave off depression, increase happiness and keep our relationships and lives fresh. It literally helps the brain function better.
I watch how my kids embrace life and new adventures - soccer for a while, then a switch to karate; Chinese dance then a switch to ballet; No more dance, now I want to try tennis; Chinese language- no I want to take Spanish; cello..how about guitar and piano. One the one hand, we want our kids to stick with something, but perhaps they are onto something. They are figuring out who they are and finding their passions. Plus they are engaged, inspired, learning and having...dare I say it...fun!
Yes, adults can and should have fun too!
As part of my 90 day life shake up, I am committed to trying and doing something different or new every day and well. This list contains both big and small options:
* take a different route to work
* change my hair -hmm auburn highlights?
* learn Spanish
* try new foods
* grow an herb garden
* learn to bake bread
* walk/run at a new park
* put aside crossword puzzles for sudoku(finally figure out how to do it)
* read a biography instead of a novel
* take an online class or workshop
* join that new gym opening up around the corner
* Re-arrange the furniture
* pay the toll of the person behind me on the highway
* paint
The list could go on and on, but I have things to do!
I have seen interesting studies lately about how important new activities are to keeping the brain well wired. Changing things up, trying something different, developing new skills helps stave off depression, increase happiness and keep our relationships and lives fresh. It literally helps the brain function better.
I watch how my kids embrace life and new adventures - soccer for a while, then a switch to karate; Chinese dance then a switch to ballet; No more dance, now I want to try tennis; Chinese language- no I want to take Spanish; cello..how about guitar and piano. One the one hand, we want our kids to stick with something, but perhaps they are onto something. They are figuring out who they are and finding their passions. Plus they are engaged, inspired, learning and having...dare I say it...fun!
Yes, adults can and should have fun too!
As part of my 90 day life shake up, I am committed to trying and doing something different or new every day and well. This list contains both big and small options:
* take a different route to work
* change my hair -hmm auburn highlights?
* learn Spanish
* try new foods
* grow an herb garden
* learn to bake bread
* walk/run at a new park
* put aside crossword puzzles for sudoku(finally figure out how to do it)
* read a biography instead of a novel
* take an online class or workshop
* join that new gym opening up around the corner
* Re-arrange the furniture
* pay the toll of the person behind me on the highway
* paint
The list could go on and on, but I have things to do!
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