Exciting things are happening in my life right now! A big one involves an exciting major change -a new job. After nearly 25 years at my current company, I am moving on to a new role with a wonderful organization. Interesting how change, and time for that matter, seem to have different paces at different stages of your life. During the job search, it seemed to take forever as I interviewed with company after company, and watched colleagues move onto different opportunities. Now I can hardly believe that in a week, I will be the one moving on.
It is fascinating how you can long for things - new jobs, relationships, children, publishing a book and it seems to take forever to happen. Then when it does, you can hardly believe it is there already. I remember waiting for the adoption referrals for my daughters. Those months and months seem to drag on- now my daughters are growing up way too fast for my taste. Where did the time go?
Is time relative after all? Vacations fly by yet time in the dentist's chair sure doesn't seem to. I believe the change we seek and the time it takes to happen is a product of far more than our effort. There is a divine hand at play making sure the circumstances are right and that we are ready, really ready, for the changes to happen. When you think about it, the year job search I conducted is really only a speck of time against the backdrop of the universe and history.
When I looked at my reinvention journey a little while back it seemed to have stalled, now I realize a ton of changes have and are still happening in my life. New job, I am in a relationship, have made some incredible new friends and I am on the edge of publishing my children's book. I still have a lot to accomplish. With 48 looming in a few weeks, I really want to get my healthy eating and exercise habits back on track so the next year can be the healthiest yet. I am still working on spiritual growth- that is a continual process.
So if you are trying to reinvent yourself and seeking changes in your life, it is alright if it takes awhile and try to enjoy the journey...the future will be here before you know it!
My favorite new quote from the Dalai Lama sums it up:
Asked what surprised him most about humanity, The Dalai Lama answered, "Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. Then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived."
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Parenthood!
Ah parenthood! The stuff of stories, songs, legend and one of the funniest movies ever made starring Steve Martin and Mary Steenburgen. I see myself and my friends struggle, laugh, cry, become filled alternately wtih joy and concern and ultimatly triumph at this most holy of jobs - being a Mom or Dad. It is truly the most amazing and wonderful aspect of my life. I can't imagine my life without motherhood.
We all do it differently. Our relationships with our kids are unique because we are unique and so are they. Even children raised by the same parents have a different experience than their siblings. They have different memories, perspectives, scars and connections. Birth order, personality and varying parenting styles and circumstances create a unique experience for each member of the family. I have seen one sibling not understand why another holds certain hurts or grudges against a parent- they had a different relationship and needed different levels of nurturing, affection and/or discipline than another did. One size does not fit all.
I have come to realize that being a good parent does not mean that everything has to be "equal or fair." The trick is to do your best to meet the needs of your kids as individuals. Heaven knows I am far from mastering this balance, but I am trying. I do believe that all kids do need love and acceptance for their unique natures. How mamy times have you seen parents trying to put kids in a mold or have a plan for them that mirrors their own dreams or the successes of an older sibling. I have seen other amazing parents who have seemed to master this mystery of parenting idividually.
The parenthood experience gives you a new appreciation for your own mother and father. Whether married, divorced or single, gentle or tough, strong or addicted and troubled- our parents did the best that they could with what they had. As Maya Angelou says "when you know better, you do better." Sure, there are selfish, unskilled and unloving parents out there - check out the awful court trials in the news. Usually these folks are in extreme pain themselves. And not every person should or was meant to parent. But for every troubled parent, there is someone longing to become a mother or a father.
And yes, our parents made mistakes. We are also making them with our children. At some point, you realize that our parents were people too, not superhumans, and that their mistakes or parenting errors were not deliberate attempts to screw us up. They were simply learning how to raise a child and following the models and patterns of their parents and the times in which they lived. That discovery of our own parents' vulnerability helps make out own journey easier. And the knowledge that you can parent your own way, in the style that works for you and your children is liberating. It is the essence of "when you know better, you do better."
All parents out there - pat yourselves on the back and be not afraid!! And remember, some day your kids might be on this miraculous path themselves and ask you for some parenting advice!
We all do it differently. Our relationships with our kids are unique because we are unique and so are they. Even children raised by the same parents have a different experience than their siblings. They have different memories, perspectives, scars and connections. Birth order, personality and varying parenting styles and circumstances create a unique experience for each member of the family. I have seen one sibling not understand why another holds certain hurts or grudges against a parent- they had a different relationship and needed different levels of nurturing, affection and/or discipline than another did. One size does not fit all.
I have come to realize that being a good parent does not mean that everything has to be "equal or fair." The trick is to do your best to meet the needs of your kids as individuals. Heaven knows I am far from mastering this balance, but I am trying. I do believe that all kids do need love and acceptance for their unique natures. How mamy times have you seen parents trying to put kids in a mold or have a plan for them that mirrors their own dreams or the successes of an older sibling. I have seen other amazing parents who have seemed to master this mystery of parenting idividually.
The parenthood experience gives you a new appreciation for your own mother and father. Whether married, divorced or single, gentle or tough, strong or addicted and troubled- our parents did the best that they could with what they had. As Maya Angelou says "when you know better, you do better." Sure, there are selfish, unskilled and unloving parents out there - check out the awful court trials in the news. Usually these folks are in extreme pain themselves. And not every person should or was meant to parent. But for every troubled parent, there is someone longing to become a mother or a father.
And yes, our parents made mistakes. We are also making them with our children. At some point, you realize that our parents were people too, not superhumans, and that their mistakes or parenting errors were not deliberate attempts to screw us up. They were simply learning how to raise a child and following the models and patterns of their parents and the times in which they lived. That discovery of our own parents' vulnerability helps make out own journey easier. And the knowledge that you can parent your own way, in the style that works for you and your children is liberating. It is the essence of "when you know better, you do better."
All parents out there - pat yourselves on the back and be not afraid!! And remember, some day your kids might be on this miraculous path themselves and ask you for some parenting advice!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
The writing fever is back
The writing fever is back! One of the purposes of this blog is to put some structure and yes even discipline around writing. Having a blog to write pushes me to put these crazy plans, thoughts, inspirations and observations down in written form.
I am absolutely amazed that people in over thirty countries around the world have read this blog. Recently, folks from Iran, the Netherlands, Denmark and Nigeria have become readers. That is truly astonishing to me! They found this blog through google and other searches. The power of the internet to connect people with common ideas, viewpoints or challenges is wonderful. It reminds me, once again, how connected we are as human beings in spite of nationality, culture or circumstance. In my opinion, we are connected beyond our common humanity.
We are connected because we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Our souls, spirits, energy, essence - use the word that best describes your beliefs, are all connected. And that connection transcends biology, race, gender, geography and even lifetimes. The idea that our energy is all connected fascinates me and explains so much about human behavior and what brings us peace and contentment and dare I say it happiness.
I realize that all of my writing projects currently on paper or in my brain, including a children's picture book, magazine articles, non-fiction book and a novel all have this theme at their core. Interestingly enough, when I am writing or working with this theme in mind "Spirit Connects Us All", the words flow and things fall into place. The stories need to be told and it just might be my place to tell them.
Glad the writing fever is back!
I am absolutely amazed that people in over thirty countries around the world have read this blog. Recently, folks from Iran, the Netherlands, Denmark and Nigeria have become readers. That is truly astonishing to me! They found this blog through google and other searches. The power of the internet to connect people with common ideas, viewpoints or challenges is wonderful. It reminds me, once again, how connected we are as human beings in spite of nationality, culture or circumstance. In my opinion, we are connected beyond our common humanity.
We are connected because we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Our souls, spirits, energy, essence - use the word that best describes your beliefs, are all connected. And that connection transcends biology, race, gender, geography and even lifetimes. The idea that our energy is all connected fascinates me and explains so much about human behavior and what brings us peace and contentment and dare I say it happiness.
I realize that all of my writing projects currently on paper or in my brain, including a children's picture book, magazine articles, non-fiction book and a novel all have this theme at their core. Interestingly enough, when I am writing or working with this theme in mind "Spirit Connects Us All", the words flow and things fall into place. The stories need to be told and it just might be my place to tell them.
Glad the writing fever is back!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day
Happy Mother's Day to all of my friends, family and readers of this blog whom I have never met! This is a day to celebrate all the moms who carry life, give birth, adopt a child, step-parent, foster parent and mentor. A salute to those who love a child, guide a child and share their very heart and soul.
Becoming a mother is such a profound, life changing experience that it is almost impossible to describe to someone who has not heard the words.."MOM- where is my backpack?, MOM, can we go shopping.., "Mommy, I love you." My daughters fill my heart with such joy and light that I can't really even remember, or maybe I don't want to remember life without them. I remain convinced that we have been together in previous lives. Yes, I believe in reincarnation and this dance of life that we experience together is one of a number of times we have laughed, loved and learned as a family. We are connected on levels that are far deeper than biology or environment- our very souls are linked.
While the journey to become a mother to my daughters feels magical, an act of destiny and full of love, I am reminded on days like today that there is sadness beneath the joy. There are two women in China who weren't able to keep and raise their baby daughters. They took their infants to public places, wrapped them in blankets and left them for authorities to find. Those sweet babies where taken to orphanges and then made their way into my arms as my own daughters through adoption. I have no judgement here- the pressure on women to give birth to sons, the one couple/one child policy in China, poverty and a patriarchal society is an intense combination. I can't imagine the pain and sorrow that the birthmothers felt and probably still do. Their loss became my joy.
My heart breaks for these women- my daughters' birthmothers. I wish we knew them. I have to believe that somehow they know that those babies are now beautiful girls who are beloved and treasured. I take some spiritual comfort in the fact that I believe that I am connected to these women as well. This tangle of emotions and connection that wrapped our lives together was deliberate and meant to provide us all with lessons and purpose.
So on this special day, I celebrate all the wonderful moms across the world. Mothers are powerful in ways that can truly change history. The love we feel for our children spans generations, distance, race, boundaries and lifetimes.
Becoming a mother is such a profound, life changing experience that it is almost impossible to describe to someone who has not heard the words.."MOM- where is my backpack?, MOM, can we go shopping.., "Mommy, I love you." My daughters fill my heart with such joy and light that I can't really even remember, or maybe I don't want to remember life without them. I remain convinced that we have been together in previous lives. Yes, I believe in reincarnation and this dance of life that we experience together is one of a number of times we have laughed, loved and learned as a family. We are connected on levels that are far deeper than biology or environment- our very souls are linked.
While the journey to become a mother to my daughters feels magical, an act of destiny and full of love, I am reminded on days like today that there is sadness beneath the joy. There are two women in China who weren't able to keep and raise their baby daughters. They took their infants to public places, wrapped them in blankets and left them for authorities to find. Those sweet babies where taken to orphanges and then made their way into my arms as my own daughters through adoption. I have no judgement here- the pressure on women to give birth to sons, the one couple/one child policy in China, poverty and a patriarchal society is an intense combination. I can't imagine the pain and sorrow that the birthmothers felt and probably still do. Their loss became my joy.
My heart breaks for these women- my daughters' birthmothers. I wish we knew them. I have to believe that somehow they know that those babies are now beautiful girls who are beloved and treasured. I take some spiritual comfort in the fact that I believe that I am connected to these women as well. This tangle of emotions and connection that wrapped our lives together was deliberate and meant to provide us all with lessons and purpose.
So on this special day, I celebrate all the wonderful moms across the world. Mothers are powerful in ways that can truly change history. The love we feel for our children spans generations, distance, race, boundaries and lifetimes.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wired to care.
I had a fascinating conversation this week with a colleague in the non-profit world about what drives us as human beings to help, volunteer, donate and reach out to others.
At times the need seems so deep - genocide, crimes against humanity, gender violence around the world, preventing child abuse and sexual trafficking, helping sick kids, clean water, ending poverty, fighting disease, promoting health, disaster relief, feeding the hungry, concern for animals, saving the planet.... The list of causes and needs could go on and on. Sometimes this list grows so long in our consciousness that it is overwhelming.
I believe human beings are good by nature and that a caring, compassionate spirit is inside the real us - although it can often be buried under a hardend facade or a cynical exterior. It never ceases to amaze me how we humans rise up and help another in need. Often I wonder, though, if folks just get saturated with sorrow and tune out the images, the news reports and the appeals for help. We ask oursleves, why should I care about something happening on another continent? Or there is no point - my contribution or time will just be a drop in the bucket so I am going to hide away from the pain. .
Then something happens- a tornado, earthquake, diagnosis, a photo of a starving child whose eyes haunt us or perhaps a news story on genocide in Darfur and the enormity of the loss of life strikes us. Of course we care, even if it happens across the globe. Why, because we see ourselves in another's eyss. There except for one strand of DNA or a twist of fate and that could be us. Sometimes I wonder if it is God's way of reminding us to be grateful for our own lives. I read a great quote the other day from a woman who was sharing the great advice her mother had given her - she said if you are depressed or sad go out and do somthing for someone else, it will put your problems in perspective.
On a deeper level, I think that at some point of our core we remember in these moments that we are all connected - at a soul level, at a cellular level and through our shared energy. Science is now proving this energetic connection between life. There is an amazing new documentary out called "I Am" which really demonstrates that physics prove that fundamental connection between us and that we are wired to care for one another. Compassion and cooperation are part of our DNA. I have just read about the film but can't wait to see it. I too believe that we are wired to care. The need seems overwhelming, but is it really? If all of us tapped into this wired reality of our hearts and spirits, couldn't we collectively make a huge dent in this pile of need?
That "wiring" is why we keep giving, volunteering, helping our neighbors and supporting causes that touch our hearts. It is also probably why is feels so good to help another person, be generous or to do he right thing - we are acting on our true nature, honoring our connections and that brings us joy. Think about it, have you ever met a happy person who also happens to be selfish, mean or uncaring - instead, they are miserable. Isn't it wonderful to know we are wired to care?
At times the need seems so deep - genocide, crimes against humanity, gender violence around the world, preventing child abuse and sexual trafficking, helping sick kids, clean water, ending poverty, fighting disease, promoting health, disaster relief, feeding the hungry, concern for animals, saving the planet.... The list of causes and needs could go on and on. Sometimes this list grows so long in our consciousness that it is overwhelming.
I believe human beings are good by nature and that a caring, compassionate spirit is inside the real us - although it can often be buried under a hardend facade or a cynical exterior. It never ceases to amaze me how we humans rise up and help another in need. Often I wonder, though, if folks just get saturated with sorrow and tune out the images, the news reports and the appeals for help. We ask oursleves, why should I care about something happening on another continent? Or there is no point - my contribution or time will just be a drop in the bucket so I am going to hide away from the pain. .
Then something happens- a tornado, earthquake, diagnosis, a photo of a starving child whose eyes haunt us or perhaps a news story on genocide in Darfur and the enormity of the loss of life strikes us. Of course we care, even if it happens across the globe. Why, because we see ourselves in another's eyss. There except for one strand of DNA or a twist of fate and that could be us. Sometimes I wonder if it is God's way of reminding us to be grateful for our own lives. I read a great quote the other day from a woman who was sharing the great advice her mother had given her - she said if you are depressed or sad go out and do somthing for someone else, it will put your problems in perspective.
On a deeper level, I think that at some point of our core we remember in these moments that we are all connected - at a soul level, at a cellular level and through our shared energy. Science is now proving this energetic connection between life. There is an amazing new documentary out called "I Am" which really demonstrates that physics prove that fundamental connection between us and that we are wired to care for one another. Compassion and cooperation are part of our DNA. I have just read about the film but can't wait to see it. I too believe that we are wired to care. The need seems overwhelming, but is it really? If all of us tapped into this wired reality of our hearts and spirits, couldn't we collectively make a huge dent in this pile of need?
That "wiring" is why we keep giving, volunteering, helping our neighbors and supporting causes that touch our hearts. It is also probably why is feels so good to help another person, be generous or to do he right thing - we are acting on our true nature, honoring our connections and that brings us joy. Think about it, have you ever met a happy person who also happens to be selfish, mean or uncaring - instead, they are miserable. Isn't it wonderful to know we are wired to care?
Thursday, April 21, 2011
poetry
I follow up my recent blogpost about helping our girls keep their voice with something I think is quite extraordinary. My 12 year old daughter wrote a poem for her Language Arts class. In addition to the beauty of the words, I was impressed and actually rather in awe of her strength and confidence. I believe that she may indeed have her voice and I have a deep belief she will not lose it.
After much discussion, she agreed to allow me to post her work. She amazes me..
Taking Chances Lily Stephens 4/20/11
don’t sit around
for life
to find You
grasp it
in the palm of Your hands
let it shine
let Your dreams
become Your reality
its like a dare
You have two roads
to walk…
the easy-going,
popular,
obvious choice:
NO I can’t
Or…
with Your eyes beaming
You can walk
that plank
into the unknown realm
of YES I can
don’t let fear
cloud
Your courage
feel the wind
as You jump
out of the plane
let Your heart
skip a beat
as You finally
ride that ride
You are You
and only You
have the power
to what You become
so go ahead.
say NO
don’t climb that mountain
sit in the shadows
of Your dreams
OR
live life
create the climax to Your story.
Take Chances.
After much discussion, she agreed to allow me to post her work. She amazes me..
Taking Chances Lily Stephens 4/20/11
don’t sit around
for life
to find You
grasp it
in the palm of Your hands
let it shine
let Your dreams
become Your reality
its like a dare
You have two roads
to walk…
the easy-going,
popular,
obvious choice:
NO I can’t
Or…
with Your eyes beaming
You can walk
that plank
into the unknown realm
of YES I can
don’t let fear
cloud
Your courage
feel the wind
as You jump
out of the plane
let Your heart
skip a beat
as You finally
ride that ride
You are You
and only You
have the power
to what You become
so go ahead.
say NO
don’t climb that mountain
sit in the shadows
of Your dreams
OR
live life
create the climax to Your story.
Take Chances.
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