Sunday, March 20, 2011

Borrowing my children from the future

What a gorgeous morning for the first day of Spring! The wind is brisk and fresh with a hint of the warmth and heat that is coming for the day. There is nothing so refreshing to me than a full breeze. The sky is cloudy yet not menacing, as if to say while it may shower, it will not storm today. It is the kind of day that does what the first day of spring is supposed to do- bring you feelings of hope for the future and gratitude for what you have in your life.

Perhaps it is the beauty of this day or maybe the tragedies happening in Japan and Libya but it is certainly a time of gratitude for me. Of course, gratitude for me always means looking to my daughters and their appearance and place in my life. I marvel, as usual, at how I could have gotten so lucky. Two baby girls living in different orphanages thousands of miles away in China each needing a mommy, a family. Me, back in the US wanting to become a mother...searching for her daughter(s.) And we all come together. Seems like something pretty miraculous to look on with gratitude.

Now as they grow, I marvel even more. It is pretty amazing to watch your little girls become young women. My oldest seems to be maturing at warp speed, I often shake my head and think, hold on now, I want to freeze time for a bit, don't grow up so fast. It seems as though they are little girls one minute and then all of a sudden, within a year or a few months they are no longer so young. I realize that I am lucky to be a small part of that transformation.

I am reminded of an old quote about how your children don't really "belong" to you you- they belong to themselves, you just borrow them for a little while... you host them for the future. I realize that in what will seem like a blink of an eye, they will be grown, off to college and their own lives. Yikes - that is going to bring a kind of bittersweet sorrow to me that I can only just imagine at this point. I will need to remember in those moments that I just borrowed them for a while.

As I am sure, all my fellow parents will attest, that bittersweet sorrow is all worth it. The joy, gladness in my heart, laughter and fullness that being a mom brings is worth any sadness, frustration and eyerolls/sighing that a pre-teen can dish out. It is easier when you realize that in growing up, they are going to begin distancing from you, separating into themselves- and that means that you have done your job.

For today, however, I am going to revel in being a mommy. I am going to remind them just how much I love them. I am going to pretend they are mine for today..let tomorrow get here when it comes.

What are you grateful for today?

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