Together Again! Yes, that is the refrain that goes through my mind when I think of my daughters and the amazing journey that brought our hearts and souls back together in this lifetime. The journey to come together through adoption as mother and daughters and sisters spanned thousands of miles and years of planning, praying, hoping and dreaming. Together Again is also the name of the children’s book that I wrote to describe this journey and may resonate with other families who were built through adoption.
I have been telling our story for years to anyone who would listen -through my blog, articles and verbally. If you ask me why I traveled to China to adopt my daughters, get ready to hear the story. Because it is not just my story, it is our story. It is the story of the connection of the human race and of the human spirit. It is the story of the soul connections that are woven between all of humanity - no matter who we are, where we live, how much money we make, who we vote for or how we see the world. Adoption is an amazing example of those soul connections in action. In the adoption triad of birthparents, child and adoptive parents- we are all connected. It is no accident that we feel drawn to adopt from a certain country, from the foster care system or that we connect with birthparents and feel as though we were meant to find one another. It feels real and meant to be because it is supposed to happen that way.
It took me a while to realize what all this meant; that our lives and souls come together as planned. I followed my heart and intuition to adopt my daughters. The circumstances, delays, processes and what I thought at the time were coincidences actually conspired to connect me with these particular children. These girls could not fit more perfectly in my life and family than if they came to me biologically. So many adoptive parents understand exactly what I am talking about. And unfortunately, many who have not experienced adoption or any sort of non-traditional family do not.
It has become part of my life’s mission to help people understand adoption in the bigger context of spiritual connection. Over the past 13 years, as I grappled with the questions, complexities and emotions of adoption, I have come to such an understanding about what it really means. Adoption is not second choice or second best but meant to be, just as it is for all involved. We plan these relationships and these soul connections in our lives for a reason. Discovering the reason and lessons of these relationships are part of the beauty and mystery of our lives.
Ask an adoptive parent about his or her family and they will tell you that is feels destined and “meant to be.” It feels that ways because it is. Blood may be thicker than water, but spirit connects us all.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Monday, September 12, 2011
Spiritual lessons-your stories needed
Isn't it wonderful how sometimes one when area of your life seems to get on track- others fall in line as well? You become inspired to keep going, moving forward and to try new projects or pull an old dream off of the shelf and start again.
For me- I got an amazing new job and at the same time was able to move forward with my children's book - "Together Again" which will be published hopefully by the holidays. While working on revising the manuscript and explaining the concept to the illustrator, I was struck with how much more I need to write.
The book is about the adoption of a baby girl from China and the experiences that she and her mother have in finding one another again. Yes, I said again, because I am attempting to include some key spritual principles in the book- ideas that I am finding are radical to some folks. I believe that we are all connected at a soul/spiritual level, that we plan our lives with divine guidance before birth and that the people who surround us are here on purpose. In terms of adoption, this includes children, siblings, parents and birthparents-all connected in unique ways and all with a role to carry out, a purpose to serve and a lesson to learn or to teach. My book editor resisted a bit- wanting to remove the early references to being in heaven before we are born (she thinks it will be confusing to young children) and eliminating the birthmother from the story all together. I cannot do either as it would the essence and purpose of the whole book. Plus, I believe that young children actually have the purest and most open spiritual perspectives of all, many talk about being with God and often see angels. Of course, a birthparent must be included in any adoption story - they are part of our lives and not people to be demonized or ignored.
This will all be ironed out in editing. I will add some language that will make the concepts clearer for children but will not compromise my vision for the book. Can you imagine the hoopla that would have occurred if I had included reincarnation into the story? The conversations have helped me realize that I really must go forward with two other pieces of writing - a novel with a reincarnation theme to be titled "When Earth Turns Over Heaven" and a non-fiction book called "Spirit Connects Us All."
The non-fiction piece will be a compilation of real life stories of families that have come together in unique ways and reinforce the message that spiritual connections not biology are the true foundation for a family. There are some amazing adoption stories out there not to mention deep relationships with step parents and foster families. Some of the connections, twists of fate (like the woman who adopted from China twice, years apart from different orphanages and ended up raising daughters that she found out were full biological sisters- there HAS to be a divine hand in that) and paths that lead us together are fascinating. Do you know someone with a story to tell about how their family was built - put them in contact with me!
I will continue to edit my book without compromise and look for new ways to communicate that spirit really does connect us all!
For me- I got an amazing new job and at the same time was able to move forward with my children's book - "Together Again" which will be published hopefully by the holidays. While working on revising the manuscript and explaining the concept to the illustrator, I was struck with how much more I need to write.
The book is about the adoption of a baby girl from China and the experiences that she and her mother have in finding one another again. Yes, I said again, because I am attempting to include some key spritual principles in the book- ideas that I am finding are radical to some folks. I believe that we are all connected at a soul/spiritual level, that we plan our lives with divine guidance before birth and that the people who surround us are here on purpose. In terms of adoption, this includes children, siblings, parents and birthparents-all connected in unique ways and all with a role to carry out, a purpose to serve and a lesson to learn or to teach. My book editor resisted a bit- wanting to remove the early references to being in heaven before we are born (she thinks it will be confusing to young children) and eliminating the birthmother from the story all together. I cannot do either as it would the essence and purpose of the whole book. Plus, I believe that young children actually have the purest and most open spiritual perspectives of all, many talk about being with God and often see angels. Of course, a birthparent must be included in any adoption story - they are part of our lives and not people to be demonized or ignored.
This will all be ironed out in editing. I will add some language that will make the concepts clearer for children but will not compromise my vision for the book. Can you imagine the hoopla that would have occurred if I had included reincarnation into the story? The conversations have helped me realize that I really must go forward with two other pieces of writing - a novel with a reincarnation theme to be titled "When Earth Turns Over Heaven" and a non-fiction book called "Spirit Connects Us All."
The non-fiction piece will be a compilation of real life stories of families that have come together in unique ways and reinforce the message that spiritual connections not biology are the true foundation for a family. There are some amazing adoption stories out there not to mention deep relationships with step parents and foster families. Some of the connections, twists of fate (like the woman who adopted from China twice, years apart from different orphanages and ended up raising daughters that she found out were full biological sisters- there HAS to be a divine hand in that) and paths that lead us together are fascinating. Do you know someone with a story to tell about how their family was built - put them in contact with me!
I will continue to edit my book without compromise and look for new ways to communicate that spirit really does connect us all!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Know your worth!
I have been helping a friend this week as she goes through the interview and negotitation process in her job search. Our conversations have reminded me once again that we often sell ourselves short and while we may at some level know our value and worth, we don't always express it to others and demand our due. Is it because we are women? Are we somehow taught that we are worth less, especially in the workplace? Shouldn't we just be grateful and quiet for what we have - unsatisfying relationships (at least you have one,) underpaid job, entry-level offer when our skills are worth so much more. Heck no, we shouldn't settle! I think we can learn a big, no a huge lesson from our male brethren on this one.
A guy will ask for a higher salary, will walk away from a poor offer, won't let someone take credit for or steal his idea, he will go for the CEO job, will expect he can get the woman of his dreams....somehow just assuming "of course I am worth it." And he is- and so are we. I wish I could put my finger on why we do this submissive dance and seem to feel that we need to take what we can get. So if you are doubting yourself in any area of your life- YOU are worth it. You are worth a partner who treats you well and with respect, you are worth success, you are worth equal pay, you are worth that top job, you are worth it all!
Ironically, the company would not raise the offer for my friend, but the recruiter said. "You did the right thing in refusing to settle for this pay, I have another position coming up that pays better and is more suited to your qualifications."
Here is my all time favorite quote from Marianne Williamson that sums it up beautifully:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Go for it and rock on!!
A guy will ask for a higher salary, will walk away from a poor offer, won't let someone take credit for or steal his idea, he will go for the CEO job, will expect he can get the woman of his dreams....somehow just assuming "of course I am worth it." And he is- and so are we. I wish I could put my finger on why we do this submissive dance and seem to feel that we need to take what we can get. So if you are doubting yourself in any area of your life- YOU are worth it. You are worth a partner who treats you well and with respect, you are worth success, you are worth equal pay, you are worth that top job, you are worth it all!
Ironically, the company would not raise the offer for my friend, but the recruiter said. "You did the right thing in refusing to settle for this pay, I have another position coming up that pays better and is more suited to your qualifications."
Here is my all time favorite quote from Marianne Williamson that sums it up beautifully:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Go for it and rock on!!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
The web of life
What a week- my sweet Avery's birthday and gotcha day! Eight years ago this week, she was born near Gaoming, China and placed in a cardboard box, with a blanket and a note with her date of birth. She was left on a busy street corner for authorities to find. After being discovered, she was taken to the local police station and then onto a local orphanage. I cannot imagine the pain, sorrow and love that her birthmother experienced in these moments. She made sure that the baby was covered with a blanket and knew the date of her birth. She took the baby girl to a crowded location where she would be found. One piece of the web of life...
Seven years ago this week, that same baby girl was placed in my arms and officially became my daughter. I say officially, because she has always felt like my daughter (both of my girls and I share deep, soul-based bonds) and has been connected to me forever. Another thread....
Avery meets her family including two sisters - one was my stepdaughter, Dani, and one was Lily who was adopted from China four years earlier. Two girls from neighboring provinces in China became sisters thousands of miles away in the United States. Three knots in the thread....
It amazes me how many people have entered my life, come together, connected and wrapped themselves around my heart. And quite often, they have arrived exactly when needed and often showed up unexpectedly. I remember meeting my friend Jan after adopting Lily. I was searching for another parent and writer who might share common beliefs about adoption and the spiritual connections that it makes real. She had a website, books and resources about the topic and I went on to write and publish. We kept in touch over the years and when I went through the end of my marriage, for some reason I felt compelled to reach and confide in her. It turns out that she had gone through the same experience and ended up being a great source of support. Another thread...
The end of a marriage, surviving betrayal - tough things to go through, but guess what- I met some wonderful people as a result of that painful experience. I joined and later helped co-faciliate an online support group for betrayed spouses. Through that group, I met two amazing women whom I now consider dear friends. I finally met Jen- one of these ladies, when I traveled for work recently. She has now connected with my friend Jan with whom she shares professional interests. More threads knotted....
Family, friends, lovers, colleagues, teachers, mentors, neighbors have all come into my life and sometimes left it - all with a specific purpose and on the right timetable. They have laughed and cried with me, challenged me and supported me as I have loved, disagreed and been in their corner as well. Sometime the relationships have lasted and in other cases, they served their purpose at that point in my life and ended. But all had a reason to exist. More threads, some long and some short....
The web of life- so many threads, knots and twists and turns. If you want a prettier picture, think of a lace doily- patterns and beauty that while being created seems mismatched or that it could easily unravel. When complete, though, it is gorgeous and made of intricate woven threads.
Seven years ago this week, that same baby girl was placed in my arms and officially became my daughter. I say officially, because she has always felt like my daughter (both of my girls and I share deep, soul-based bonds) and has been connected to me forever. Another thread....
Avery meets her family including two sisters - one was my stepdaughter, Dani, and one was Lily who was adopted from China four years earlier. Two girls from neighboring provinces in China became sisters thousands of miles away in the United States. Three knots in the thread....
It amazes me how many people have entered my life, come together, connected and wrapped themselves around my heart. And quite often, they have arrived exactly when needed and often showed up unexpectedly. I remember meeting my friend Jan after adopting Lily. I was searching for another parent and writer who might share common beliefs about adoption and the spiritual connections that it makes real. She had a website, books and resources about the topic and I went on to write and publish. We kept in touch over the years and when I went through the end of my marriage, for some reason I felt compelled to reach and confide in her. It turns out that she had gone through the same experience and ended up being a great source of support. Another thread...
The end of a marriage, surviving betrayal - tough things to go through, but guess what- I met some wonderful people as a result of that painful experience. I joined and later helped co-faciliate an online support group for betrayed spouses. Through that group, I met two amazing women whom I now consider dear friends. I finally met Jen- one of these ladies, when I traveled for work recently. She has now connected with my friend Jan with whom she shares professional interests. More threads knotted....
Family, friends, lovers, colleagues, teachers, mentors, neighbors have all come into my life and sometimes left it - all with a specific purpose and on the right timetable. They have laughed and cried with me, challenged me and supported me as I have loved, disagreed and been in their corner as well. Sometime the relationships have lasted and in other cases, they served their purpose at that point in my life and ended. But all had a reason to exist. More threads, some long and some short....
The web of life- so many threads, knots and twists and turns. If you want a prettier picture, think of a lace doily- patterns and beauty that while being created seems mismatched or that it could easily unravel. When complete, though, it is gorgeous and made of intricate woven threads.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Hearts don't break..they break open
Another celebrity breakup due to infidelity... Seems like it is almost not news anymore since it happens so often. When you add those reported in the media circus to the number of everyday folks like us who experience it in a relationship - it seems as though infidelity impacts society more than one can imagine.
As someone who experienced the pain and I use the following term with full knowledge of its power - hell- of living through it, I always feel for the people involved when I hear of another story of betrayal. When I discovered my ex-husband's affair, I experienced pain and sadness on a level that I never had felt before in my life. I am talking about curl up on the floor in a fetal position and sob level of pain. I never thought I would smile again, laugh again, feel joy again and never heal. But I did- in fact I more than healed, I blossomed.
With the help and support of amazing friends and family, years of healing, a few sessions with a great counselor and a wonderful online support group I came to terms with it all:
* the reality of my new normal
* the loss of the dream I had for my family and creating a new one
* that the pain that would fade over time
* the understanding that it was not my fault - he had his own issues
* the knowledge that my kids would be OK- being from a broken home is much better than living in one
* forgiveness ultimately equals freedom
* love is more powerful than anything else on earth
* renewed awareness of my own power and strength
* that I can make it through anything
* experiencing pain makes you a more compassionate person
* that I deserve a faithful man
Marriages and relationships break down for lots of reasons and both parties can play a role in that disintegration of the partnership. However, the decision to step outside of the marriage with an emotional or physical affair lies squarely on the shoulders of the person who decides to cheat. There are other options to deal with marital unhappiness that do not disrespect the spouse and cause as much pain as that of betrayal. A few examples- verbalize unhappiness, try to make it work, marriage counseling or leave the relationship- certainly before beginning a new one.
As one of my friends puts it "cheating is a cowardly act- grow some balls or guts (women cheat too) and have enough respect for yourself, the memory of the relationship you once had, the vows you took and the person you had it with to leave it before you jump in bed with someone else." Seems pretty straightforward to me. It is also unfair to make the decision to have an affair to deal with unhappiness when your spouse is in the dark about your actions- they have a right to know that changes in the marriage have occurred and that vows and promises are being broken.
For me, the betrayal was far more painful than the divorce itself. I certainly learned that many who are having an affair are in a state of denial and fantasy that is often termed the "affair fog." Unfortunately, spouses are not in the same fog and pain caused is unreal in its intensity. Some couples make a marriage and relationship work after betrayal- if the cheating spouse takes responsibility for their actions and the couple commits to dealing with through their issues, often with a qualified counselor. Sometimes the result is divorce. In either scenario, I believe that the healing for the betrayed spouse begins when they take back control of their life and they make the decision to move forward in the direction that is right for them.
The good news is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You can make it through this and can come out stronger, more compassionate, with better clarity on your expectations and with a new perspective on what makes a relationship work. My divorce happened over five years ago and I am happier and more whole than I ever have been in my life. Through the experience, I learned more about love, forgiveness and re-birth than you can imagine. Yes, my heart was broken all those years ago, but it was also broken open and I am more free to love.
As someone who experienced the pain and I use the following term with full knowledge of its power - hell- of living through it, I always feel for the people involved when I hear of another story of betrayal. When I discovered my ex-husband's affair, I experienced pain and sadness on a level that I never had felt before in my life. I am talking about curl up on the floor in a fetal position and sob level of pain. I never thought I would smile again, laugh again, feel joy again and never heal. But I did- in fact I more than healed, I blossomed.
With the help and support of amazing friends and family, years of healing, a few sessions with a great counselor and a wonderful online support group I came to terms with it all:
* the reality of my new normal
* the loss of the dream I had for my family and creating a new one
* that the pain that would fade over time
* the understanding that it was not my fault - he had his own issues
* the knowledge that my kids would be OK- being from a broken home is much better than living in one
* forgiveness ultimately equals freedom
* love is more powerful than anything else on earth
* renewed awareness of my own power and strength
* that I can make it through anything
* experiencing pain makes you a more compassionate person
* that I deserve a faithful man
Marriages and relationships break down for lots of reasons and both parties can play a role in that disintegration of the partnership. However, the decision to step outside of the marriage with an emotional or physical affair lies squarely on the shoulders of the person who decides to cheat. There are other options to deal with marital unhappiness that do not disrespect the spouse and cause as much pain as that of betrayal. A few examples- verbalize unhappiness, try to make it work, marriage counseling or leave the relationship- certainly before beginning a new one.
As one of my friends puts it "cheating is a cowardly act- grow some balls or guts (women cheat too) and have enough respect for yourself, the memory of the relationship you once had, the vows you took and the person you had it with to leave it before you jump in bed with someone else." Seems pretty straightforward to me. It is also unfair to make the decision to have an affair to deal with unhappiness when your spouse is in the dark about your actions- they have a right to know that changes in the marriage have occurred and that vows and promises are being broken.
For me, the betrayal was far more painful than the divorce itself. I certainly learned that many who are having an affair are in a state of denial and fantasy that is often termed the "affair fog." Unfortunately, spouses are not in the same fog and pain caused is unreal in its intensity. Some couples make a marriage and relationship work after betrayal- if the cheating spouse takes responsibility for their actions and the couple commits to dealing with through their issues, often with a qualified counselor. Sometimes the result is divorce. In either scenario, I believe that the healing for the betrayed spouse begins when they take back control of their life and they make the decision to move forward in the direction that is right for them.
The good news is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You can make it through this and can come out stronger, more compassionate, with better clarity on your expectations and with a new perspective on what makes a relationship work. My divorce happened over five years ago and I am happier and more whole than I ever have been in my life. Through the experience, I learned more about love, forgiveness and re-birth than you can imagine. Yes, my heart was broken all those years ago, but it was also broken open and I am more free to love.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mother's Day = reminder of faith
It has quite a while since I have blogged; life and a certain amount of writer's block have been in the way. I am inspired by this special day - when I get to rejoice in being a mommy and the connection that my daughters and I share with one another.
Some days when I get caught up in the business and busy-ness of life, the miracle of our story is not top of mind. I don't think about our journey, how I felt and knew these children were waiting for me across the ocean, how "right" and destined it felt and most of all...how everything lined up to make it happen. All of the coincidences, lost paperwork, delays in my adoption processes led me to my sweet girls. I believe that when you follow your heart and instincts you are on the right path and God and the universe line up behind you. I have never once questioned my decisions to adopt my daughters. No matter the challenges I have faced- single motherhood, divorce, financial constraints - nothing has ever felt more right and natural than being their mother. In fact, I would adopt again in a heartbeat.
Some days I have a tougher time connecting this fact to other areas of my life where frustration and disappointment crop up especially in my career or romance. After a particularly rough week, I realize that making these connections are going to be critical for me to do. Why do I feel as though some days I cannot seem to do enough, that I am off track? Am I missing something? Am I doing what I am called to do? Why do I seem to have trouble attracting the right man into my life? Why do I hang onto relationships that are not meeting my needs? Perhaps it is because I do not like what my instincts are telling me.
My fiend has an amazing website called FemCentral.. http://www.jenniferlshelton.com which is a virtual institute for women. She has a link to work by a wondeful woman named Barbara Sher- author of the classic book "Wishcraft, How to Get What You Really Want." Her new work is about finding direction and purpose in the second half of life. Her key advice is simple but brilliant " What you love is what you are gifted at. there is no other way to know who you are." Everyone has a unique vision and gift - tapping into that is the answer to finding your path. That advice resonates with me, because when you do what you love, tap into those talents and gifts - it feels natural, on track and right. Just like it did when I became a mother.
In terms of love and relationships..I have to believe that the same rules apply. When it feels right, natural and dare I say it - smooth for both of us, then perhaps we will have found one another. Certainly there are differences of opinion, challenges and times of tension in any relationship. But if at the core, you know that this is the person for you- then you are able to work through those situations. How do you know if he is that person? For me it is through what my instincts and heart (and his actions of course) are telling me. My challenges have come when I ignore those instincts. All I really need to do is follow my heart and let thoughts drift to my children. I will be reminded that if my heart and mind remain open- what is meant to be will happen.
Happy Mother's Day to all.
Some days when I get caught up in the business and busy-ness of life, the miracle of our story is not top of mind. I don't think about our journey, how I felt and knew these children were waiting for me across the ocean, how "right" and destined it felt and most of all...how everything lined up to make it happen. All of the coincidences, lost paperwork, delays in my adoption processes led me to my sweet girls. I believe that when you follow your heart and instincts you are on the right path and God and the universe line up behind you. I have never once questioned my decisions to adopt my daughters. No matter the challenges I have faced- single motherhood, divorce, financial constraints - nothing has ever felt more right and natural than being their mother. In fact, I would adopt again in a heartbeat.
Some days I have a tougher time connecting this fact to other areas of my life where frustration and disappointment crop up especially in my career or romance. After a particularly rough week, I realize that making these connections are going to be critical for me to do. Why do I feel as though some days I cannot seem to do enough, that I am off track? Am I missing something? Am I doing what I am called to do? Why do I seem to have trouble attracting the right man into my life? Why do I hang onto relationships that are not meeting my needs? Perhaps it is because I do not like what my instincts are telling me.
My fiend has an amazing website called FemCentral.. http://www.jenniferlshelton.com which is a virtual institute for women. She has a link to work by a wondeful woman named Barbara Sher- author of the classic book "Wishcraft, How to Get What You Really Want." Her new work is about finding direction and purpose in the second half of life. Her key advice is simple but brilliant " What you love is what you are gifted at. there is no other way to know who you are." Everyone has a unique vision and gift - tapping into that is the answer to finding your path. That advice resonates with me, because when you do what you love, tap into those talents and gifts - it feels natural, on track and right. Just like it did when I became a mother.
In terms of love and relationships..I have to believe that the same rules apply. When it feels right, natural and dare I say it - smooth for both of us, then perhaps we will have found one another. Certainly there are differences of opinion, challenges and times of tension in any relationship. But if at the core, you know that this is the person for you- then you are able to work through those situations. How do you know if he is that person? For me it is through what my instincts and heart (and his actions of course) are telling me. My challenges have come when I ignore those instincts. All I really need to do is follow my heart and let thoughts drift to my children. I will be reminded that if my heart and mind remain open- what is meant to be will happen.
Happy Mother's Day to all.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Blessings
"Don't block your blessings" a wise friend and colleague mentioned to me this week. What an interesting concept; the idea of somehow blocking the good things that come my way or perhaps even the things that I desire to come into my life. Maybe that is because blessings are sometimes hidden behind tough times, change or even disappointment.
Or perhaps, it stems from not having enough patience to wait for the blessings to blossom, appear or come out of hiding. This is certainly true of writing..ideas trickle in and germinate- the trick is knowing when they have fermented long enough and need to be put on paper. And of course, not allowing the "germination period" to become an excuse or a case of writer's block.
I had a great meeting this week with Avery's teachers and speech therapist. She has come so far with speech therapy and the special help she has received for language arts and reading and it has made all the difference in the world. Speech therapy will be cut back down to three days a week and next year, in second grade, she will only need extra resource help for reading. Her language arts skills have grown so much that she will be back in the regular classroom for that subject. I was blown away by an amazing story that she had written about a talking cat - such imagination and talent for storytelling. She is confident, smart, happy, social and full of joy. One of her teachers described her as full of smiles and a child who loves life. They delight in working with her every day.
What does this have to do with hidden blessings? When I first realized that Avery needed extra help with a language processing disorder and speech - I did not exactly rejoice in the challenge she was facing. Now I realize that this experience has been a blessing. She has grown, had one to one attention, built confidence and has relationships with several additional adults who now care for her and have her best interests at heart. And they see her as a blessing in their work.
Relationships can sometimes require patience and an ability to recognize a blessing in development. Things need time to grow, develop (or not) at the right pace. The best relationships are when this progression feels natural, easy and without a lot of self doubt, insecurity or drama. Of course, that takes patience, knowledge of your self worth and a sometimes a little faith. I talked to a good friend of mine today, also dating post-divorce, and he said "at least you know you are the total package and what you want and deserve." Dang, he is right! Reminding myself of that is a good exercise. Part of reinventing myself has been the wonderful experience in presenting myself in a completely authentic way....being myself without games. The right man will realize that I am the "total package" and things will blossom as they should.
Patience is not my strongest virtue...surely a life lesson for me. I have had and continue to have experiences that seemed to be designed to help me deepen my levels of patience (hint to God and the Universe -I get it now..LOL) Blessings are welcome to come my way, I am ready..
Or perhaps, it stems from not having enough patience to wait for the blessings to blossom, appear or come out of hiding. This is certainly true of writing..ideas trickle in and germinate- the trick is knowing when they have fermented long enough and need to be put on paper. And of course, not allowing the "germination period" to become an excuse or a case of writer's block.
I had a great meeting this week with Avery's teachers and speech therapist. She has come so far with speech therapy and the special help she has received for language arts and reading and it has made all the difference in the world. Speech therapy will be cut back down to three days a week and next year, in second grade, she will only need extra resource help for reading. Her language arts skills have grown so much that she will be back in the regular classroom for that subject. I was blown away by an amazing story that she had written about a talking cat - such imagination and talent for storytelling. She is confident, smart, happy, social and full of joy. One of her teachers described her as full of smiles and a child who loves life. They delight in working with her every day.
What does this have to do with hidden blessings? When I first realized that Avery needed extra help with a language processing disorder and speech - I did not exactly rejoice in the challenge she was facing. Now I realize that this experience has been a blessing. She has grown, had one to one attention, built confidence and has relationships with several additional adults who now care for her and have her best interests at heart. And they see her as a blessing in their work.
Relationships can sometimes require patience and an ability to recognize a blessing in development. Things need time to grow, develop (or not) at the right pace. The best relationships are when this progression feels natural, easy and without a lot of self doubt, insecurity or drama. Of course, that takes patience, knowledge of your self worth and a sometimes a little faith. I talked to a good friend of mine today, also dating post-divorce, and he said "at least you know you are the total package and what you want and deserve." Dang, he is right! Reminding myself of that is a good exercise. Part of reinventing myself has been the wonderful experience in presenting myself in a completely authentic way....being myself without games. The right man will realize that I am the "total package" and things will blossom as they should.
Patience is not my strongest virtue...surely a life lesson for me. I have had and continue to have experiences that seemed to be designed to help me deepen my levels of patience (hint to God and the Universe -I get it now..LOL) Blessings are welcome to come my way, I am ready..
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Glass slippers are on sale at Macy's!
It is that time of year again - Valentine's Day, when those in romantic relationships, both budding and established, celebrate their affection for one another. Single people everywhere smile at their happiness, but often with clenched teeth..thinking... where the heck are my flowers? Where is my Mr. Right or Ms. Right or if you believe in fairy tales from The Mouse- Prince Charming? I am a true romantic at heart. I believe in love and romance and very much want to add someone special to my life. I am actually a bit sad that I am not in love and that someone is not in love with me on this February 14th.
I saw Princess and the Frog recently with Avery and it was quite enjoyable as it was set in New Orleans and the music was amazing. Of course, there were princesses(hence the title)and a Prince and all of the usual stuff. In an interesting twist though, the main female character is the hard working, driven one in this tale and the Prince is a bit of a slacker playboy. Spoiler alert here - the end of course was classic Disney, happily ever after and all of that. Got me thinking about the glass slipper theory and the reality of dating and finding love.
Lets take glass slippers for a moment..really? Glass?? Taking it literally - ouch! Glass slippers would be hard, uncomfortable and breakable. No offense guys, but it had to be designed by a man. You sure could not run in them (look what happened to poor Cindy when she ran for the pumpkin coach.) You couldn't kick up your heels - if one of those suckers flew off, it could hurt someone or worse yet shatter into a million pieces. Ever step on a sliver of broken glass- it hurts..imagine a whole shoe. Lets not forget the Prince is going from house to house meeting tons of women while you sit at home waiting for him to show up and pick you.
Not quite reality..And really lets look at it from the guy's perspective for a minute. What a huge level of pressure- not only do you ask a woman out, usually pay, hopefully successfully woo her - but you have to be a Prince also; rescue her and solve all of her problems. Whew.. Lets hope we women don't still harbour that fantasy and realize that we need to rescue ourselves so we have something to give back to the man in our life.
Men seem to have figured out a few things about dating that perhaps we women should copy. I don't expect a Disney movie about dating like a man anytime soon but I have been embracing these ideas lately and having fun! If you read "He's Just Not That Into You"-some of this may sound familiar.
1. Date to find love, don't wait to find love... Get out and date, have FUN, meet people, date outside of your usual "type" and get outside the comfort zone. The Prince is not showing up at the door with a glass slipper. Unless the UPS man is really hot, single and asks you out..it is time to get out of the house.
2. Every single man you meet is not necessarily "the one." If he is, time will tell and you will realize it by how you click and how he treats you. How often do we get fixated after one date, immediately give our heart away...thinking...this is it..waiting for the phone to ring. Go out with someone else, get out with your girlfriends instead of waiting by the phone. And we HATE this one- if he doesn't call or ask you out again quickly..he is just not that into you. And yes, he may very well be interested in someone else. No analysis or moping needed. If he is not making an effort then it is OK to move on so you are open to meeting the next guy who might just be terrific.
3. Keep your girls night out, keep your friends close. How often do we get wrapped up in a new love interest and lose that closeness with our girlfriends. Keep those ties strong..they help us stay true to ourselves.
4. Embrace who you are..uniqueness gorgeousness as well as flaws and make no excuses for it. I don't know many men who skip a night out because of how their jeans fit. In return, accept men for who and what they are when you meet them. We are not going change, reform or modify who they are to meet our Prince Charming model.
Last but not least- rescue yourself! If you really want a pair of glass slippers- buy yourself a pair...they are probably on sale at Macys!
I saw Princess and the Frog recently with Avery and it was quite enjoyable as it was set in New Orleans and the music was amazing. Of course, there were princesses(hence the title)and a Prince and all of the usual stuff. In an interesting twist though, the main female character is the hard working, driven one in this tale and the Prince is a bit of a slacker playboy. Spoiler alert here - the end of course was classic Disney, happily ever after and all of that. Got me thinking about the glass slipper theory and the reality of dating and finding love.
Lets take glass slippers for a moment..really? Glass?? Taking it literally - ouch! Glass slippers would be hard, uncomfortable and breakable. No offense guys, but it had to be designed by a man. You sure could not run in them (look what happened to poor Cindy when she ran for the pumpkin coach.) You couldn't kick up your heels - if one of those suckers flew off, it could hurt someone or worse yet shatter into a million pieces. Ever step on a sliver of broken glass- it hurts..imagine a whole shoe. Lets not forget the Prince is going from house to house meeting tons of women while you sit at home waiting for him to show up and pick you.
Not quite reality..And really lets look at it from the guy's perspective for a minute. What a huge level of pressure- not only do you ask a woman out, usually pay, hopefully successfully woo her - but you have to be a Prince also; rescue her and solve all of her problems. Whew.. Lets hope we women don't still harbour that fantasy and realize that we need to rescue ourselves so we have something to give back to the man in our life.
Men seem to have figured out a few things about dating that perhaps we women should copy. I don't expect a Disney movie about dating like a man anytime soon but I have been embracing these ideas lately and having fun! If you read "He's Just Not That Into You"-some of this may sound familiar.
1. Date to find love, don't wait to find love... Get out and date, have FUN, meet people, date outside of your usual "type" and get outside the comfort zone. The Prince is not showing up at the door with a glass slipper. Unless the UPS man is really hot, single and asks you out..it is time to get out of the house.
2. Every single man you meet is not necessarily "the one." If he is, time will tell and you will realize it by how you click and how he treats you. How often do we get fixated after one date, immediately give our heart away...thinking...this is it..waiting for the phone to ring. Go out with someone else, get out with your girlfriends instead of waiting by the phone. And we HATE this one- if he doesn't call or ask you out again quickly..he is just not that into you. And yes, he may very well be interested in someone else. No analysis or moping needed. If he is not making an effort then it is OK to move on so you are open to meeting the next guy who might just be terrific.
3. Keep your girls night out, keep your friends close. How often do we get wrapped up in a new love interest and lose that closeness with our girlfriends. Keep those ties strong..they help us stay true to ourselves.
4. Embrace who you are..uniqueness gorgeousness as well as flaws and make no excuses for it. I don't know many men who skip a night out because of how their jeans fit. In return, accept men for who and what they are when you meet them. We are not going change, reform or modify who they are to meet our Prince Charming model.
Last but not least- rescue yourself! If you really want a pair of glass slippers- buy yourself a pair...they are probably on sale at Macys!
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