I have watched in amazement as my girls settled into 2nd and 6th grade over the last few weeks. They are both doing incredibly well and I can't help but marvel at the transformation over the last few years in my youngest child.
When we brought Avery home from China 6 1/2 years ago she was an underweight, sick, incredibly shy, sad little one year old girl. My daughter cried for almost the entire two weeks we were in China -as anyone in my travel group will attest! As the days went by in China, she decided she would not cry when I held her or when she slept. The poor child had an ear infection, sore throat, intestinal parasites, and had been handed off to perfect strangers. Once we got some antibiotics into her system - she began to heal. I was incredibly blessed that she really just had typical childhood illnesses- very treatable, just easily spread in a crowded orphanage.
It was quite an interesting dynamic because adopting Lily was a completely different experience- when handed to me, she promptly peed on me, laughed at that, cried for about 10 minutes and then was content. Avery tells me now that she cried so much as a payback to me for taking so long to come to China and get her!
In addition to my girls having completely different personalities and temperments, their orphanage experiences varied dramatically. Lily was in a more rural setting- the only photos we saw of the orphanage were from a distance and it looked rather run down. Even though she may have missed material comforts; I could tell that Lily was loved and cared for while she was an infant. She was a chubby little baby and her caretaker nanny cried when she handed her over to me. Avery was in a crowded urban orphanage and I do not believe she had the one on one love and attention that Lily received.
So that became my purpose - love, love, love her, shower her with affection and stimulation and give her the attention, help (speech therapy has been remarkable) and care she needed. Over time and with lots of love, this child has blossomed, grown and transformed into an incredible little girl. She is affectionate, caring and loving. This is my child who covers me with hugs and kisses and tells me she loves me every day. She has grown confident, no longer clings to me and loves school. She has gone from being painfully shy to a child who makes friends easily and cares deeply for people, animals and all living things.. she is truly a remarkable soul. I can only imagine the good she will do in the world. Those who will have her in their lives will be lucky.
I certainly have been lucky to have her in mine. Both of my girls have given me more love than you can imagine. I am so blessed to have been the recipient of their pure, transforming love. They have changed me in more ways than I can list. In loving them, I have been transformed as well. I wish all the folks out there who are considering adoption would put aside their fears and realize what joy they are missing. There are always risks and challenges when deciding to become a parent through adoption or through biology. The love and joy far outweighs all else. If you feel there is a child waiting for you...go for it. The love will transform both of you.
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what a beautiful posting! it brings me to tears! I have just read another blog about a child was not able to bond with her adoptive family: http://bassfamilyadoptionjourney.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteyour posting certainly gives everyone hope!
Certainly some adoptions have more issues than others and in rare cases do not work- unfortunately those are the ones that get press. The vast majority work out fine and amazing families are built but those don't get the exposure. Fear of that should not keep people away from adoption. Frankly, there are also plenty of people with strained and challenged relationships with biological children - I bet taken as a percentage the incidences are equal. I am striving to get people to understand that this is far more than a nature vs nurture issue. We are far more than biology and environment - we are spiritual beings having a human experience and our connections with one another - kids included transcend biology and are rooted in spirit. We are souls following our divine plan of joy, pain, challenge and love. We are together in this lifetime in this way because we planned to be (with divine guidance) - we chose our lives, families, challenges and all to teach us and help us grow our spirits/souls. Biology is just the mechanism to get us here and set up for earth school. I also believe in reincarnation -that we have lived before and will again. When you understand that, you realize that biology is relative and frankly not as important as spiritual connection- our souls have connected and will do so again.
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