Vicky's secrets, lies, men, daughters and body image

I am a 46 year old woman.. and for at least 30 of those years, probably more, I hate to share the fact the a common theme and/or concern for me has been my body. Weight, body image, seeing myself as too fat, or believe it or not at times too thin (much more rare - early 20's when I was living on Dexatrim and didn't eat)..never good enough. Thinner was always better and meant pretty when I was growing up. I know that I share this issue with many women. Gorgeous, brilliant, successful and interestingly enough - often in women with wonderful figures. They (and I) always find our flaws. How can I have so much in life and still let a day be filled with concern because my hot, red, party dress for next week's bash may not fit exactly as I think it should.

I know I am not alone. I have a colleague- a drop dead gorgeous woman who works out regularly and literally has the perfect body. She was lamenting recently about the fact that she ate two or three slices of pound cake over the weekend. I would venture to guess than even the hot Victoria's Secret models worry over camera angles, cellulite and imagined body flaws.

It would be really convenient to blame men for all of this angst. You know, men - who love gorgeous thin women, adore and fantasize about centerfolds and porn stars. Isn't it their fault that we are trying to live up to some impossible image, some fantasy of the skinny stripper with big, fake boobs? After all, they like that stuff.. Except for the fact men seem to accept, desire and love women without the judgments that we often put on oursleves. I have been flirted with and asked out regularly over the past 30 years= actually more today than ever. Look around, women of all shapes and sizes often have adoring men at their sides. I think men respond to passionate, sexually confident (it really does get better for us over the years- subject of another post), and interested woman..period and when in the throes of passion are really not judging us or analyzing our cellulite levels. Thank God for men - you ROCK.

So if we can't blame men...lets blame the media. The Dove true beauty campaign was fascinating as it exposed all of the photoshopping and engineering that goes into a simple ad - neck thinned and stretched, cheekbones made more prominent, face thinned- you name it. I showed it to my 10 year old daughter who said "Nobody really looks like that then.." Truer words were never spoken. Factor in the very skinny models and actresses- and we do have a problem. Especially with young girls who don't yet know their worth and can't separate fantasy from reality. When I see the ultrathin models- maybe it is the mom in me, but all I can think about is that I really want to make them a sandwich! I do believe that media stereotypes are an issue and creating problems for our daughters. I will talk to my girls about those images and the expectations that they might create. But, really doesn't it come back to me in the end?

I am the one letting all of that nonsense in to my psyche. Nobody rents space in your head without your permission- I am still working on that. I am a smart, attractive, generous, sensuous, loving and successful woman. I am dating and men find me pretty and sexy. I am preparing to walk/jog a 1/2 marathon, eat healthy and remain committed to fitness. I take care of myself and feel better when I work out and eat right. Why isn't that enough for me.

So, this part of me is a work in progress, one that I will let my daughters in to see. I will celebrate the fact that men are pretty great. And I will have a heck of a time at my Holiday Bash in my hot, red party dress!