Lightening Up

I just finished reading amazing essays by two accomplished women - writer Elizabeth Gilbert and TV producer and writer Shonda Rhimes. Both were in a section in the latest O Magazine about happiness. They both resonated with me. They talked about our quest for having it all, self improvement and measuring ourselves by the accomplishments of others and our "lists for ourselves." It struck a chord with this woman on her reinvention journey. I do have a lot of plans and goals, many as of yet unrealized for my life.

That is not necesarily a bad thing,.... but how do you find "happiness" if you can never get it all done and meet those expectations that are often set by yourself. Elizabeth (I will call her by her first name since I have read all of her books- the most well known being "Eat, Pray, Love") wrote about how we women compare ourselves to one another and never feel like we are doing quite enough.

Here is a quote from the article that has stuck with me all day (O Magazine - May 2101 issue): "My sister Catherine, told me recently about a conversation she had with a sweet neighbor who - after watching Catherine spend an afternoon organizing a scavenger hunt for local kids- said sadly "you are a better mother than I will ever be." At which point my sister grabbed her friend's hand and said "Please lets not do this to one another OK". No seriously, please lets not. Because it breaks my heart to know that so many amazing women are waking up at 3 o'clock in the morning and abusing themselves for not having gone to art school, learning French or organizing the neighborhood scavenger hunt." She goes onto to write about how a quest for perfection can cause one not to take chances and make mistakes - which in itself is the biggest mistake of all. Because screwing up - marrying the wrong man, taking the wrong job, blowing your diet is how we learn and the "maps of our lives are created by our mistakes and lessons learned."

I have never been one of those ziplock baggie moms- the type who always had everything their kids might need -from diaper wipes when they were young, to crayons, bandaids and organic crackers- all neatly tucked and ziplocked in their purse for when they are needed. Thank God those wonderful women exist because I was the one borrowing what I needed from them. My kids watch too much TV, often sleep with me, aren't involved in as many extracurricular activities as others, went to daycare and probably eat more pizza than they should. I am not the room mom, don't buy only organic food or have a perfect house..they have seen me cry, fall apart, screw up, apologize and pick myself back up. Not the perfect mom..but a pretty darned good one. How do I know that? Because my kids are somehow turning out to be pretty great. They are smart, loving, kind and other moms always tell me how well mannered and polite they are - that part seems to happen outside of our house! We laugh, love, argue and enjoy one another. I want them to be strong, smart, make good choices in life and realize that no matter what happens -they will thrive through it.

Shonda's article (going with first name here because I watch the programs she created and produces - Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice) chronicles how easy it is to forget "our happy." Seriously, she states, "we live in a country where food is plentiful, we are safe, there is no malaria or genocide." Seems a little whiny to complain about traffic, 10- OK - 15 extra pounds- especially when you have so much. How many times do we say .. I would be happier..if I fit into those jeans, had a man in my life, wasn't struggling financially...

What if this is it? What if we need to find "our happy" right now with our lives just as they are? I think that is possible if we take the advice of both Elizabeth and Shonda and maybe lighten up on ourselves. We are not going to be perfect, it is OK to mess up, OK to take longer to reach a goal and make a mistake - date the wrong man in the quest for love, stand up to your boss, submit that imperfect manuscript. I still have my dreams and desires...but perhaps lightening up will make it a lot more fun to get there. Plus that inspires gratitude for my amazing life and allows me to find my "happy" right now..