Strength

Strength - what does that mean to you...are the impressions good or bad? I have been told many times that I am strong. Usually, I interpreted that as positive. Resilent, able to withstand emotional and physical pain, toughness, able to offer support and succor to others, pulling myself and other through a crisis- seem like good traits to get through life. Yet at times, I have felt defensive and even defiant about my so called strength. Why? Isn't that what got me through the tough times? Is it not feminine enough? If so, that is a lie. Some of the strongest, toughest and most powerful people I have ever met are women.

I had a wonderful conversation this weekend with J - he asked me over dinner why I seem to apologize or justify being strong. Why is it something that I must explain or defend? Great questions... Who told me I was "too strong?" When my answer was my ex-husband for one- well it became obvious that I was putting credence or power into the words and opinion of someone whose thoughts really didn't apply to who I am at my core. In other words, "why the hell do you care what he thinks?" Made sense to me. After all, life can be tough, don't you want your partner to be able to deal with it and help you get through it?

Aha moment for me. I really don't care what he thinks. Maybe it was the fact that the, man I had once married and loved at one point found me too strong..too powerful. I realized in that moment that well..I am strong, have a strong personality, have strong love and loyalty for people in my life and I have no need to apologize or explain that strength.

The man who enters my life will not only be OK with that- he will value that quality in me. He will, in fact, draw strength and power from my strength and realize that it does not diminish him. In fact, it helps us both. The reality is that a strong man values a strong woman. He is not intimidated or lessened by her power. He is energized by it and recognizes that when a woman's power backs him - there is nothing that he or she can not overcome.

So reinvention continues with the understanding that living authentically means not just understanding who I am but also appreciating it- including my strength. So if you need me.. I am here...