Have a little faith

Like so many other people at this time of year, I give thanks- especially for my amazing daughters. Their existence in my life marks not just the ability for me to experience the empowering joy of motherhood. It also reminds me, when I let it, how sometimes things work out in life if you just have a little faith.

Faith means different things to different people. I am not just talking about religious or spiritual faith here, but the faith of knowing. Knowing that things do work out in the end, the bad stuff that happens to us does have a purpose and people really do come into our lives for a reason. Heady stuff and important reminders when you set out to reinvent your life and deal with the inevitable bumps in the road and disappointments when things may not look like they will turn out as you hope.

My childrens' appearance in my life truly did seem like a miracle...I am sure all parents of both adopted and biological kids feel that way. When I re-read some of my writing about those times and remember the challenges that led us together, I can't help but remember with a new spirit of clarity.

I knew Lily was waiting for me in China when I began the adoption process toward single parenthood at the age of 35. Many people thought I was nuts, I had no idea how I was going to pay for it all much less raise a child by myself. I charged ahead anyway because I listened to my heart and my intuition that was alternately screaming and whispering at me to just do it. There was a reason and purpose behind this adoption. I knew I wanted to be a mom but it felt like more. It was something that I absolutely had to do and that gave me confidence that I was on the right road, one that would lead me to a hotel in Nanchang, China in November of 1999. Of course, now I cannot imagine my life without her- this strong-willed, brilliant, sassy, beautiful creature that I have the honor of parenting and watch her grow ever more enchanting daily.

Avery's entrance into our lives was a comedy of errors and wait times that I now know were for a reason..so that Avery would be the child that I got to call my own. By the time Avery came along, I was married (and would be for a few more years before my divorce- but that is a whole separate post!- geez, the lessons I learned with that one.) Adopting as a couple is actually more complicated than adopting alone. Two sets of everything- records, employment verfications. fingerprints, background checks..and on and on. The adoption journey with Avery actually began in Ecuador. We had unexplained infertility issues so we decided to adopt. At the time, China had a quota system in place and the wait would have been two years. We had a number of issues during the paperwork gathering process. The INS lost our fingerprint records and dossier, homestudy delays.. Enough to delay our process for months. Finally, documents were ready and sealed in a Fed Ex packet to be sent by our agency to the orphange in Ecuador. Before FedEx arrived that morning, the agency got a call that there were government changes in Ecuador and no more dossiers and requests for adoption were being accepted. All of that work for nothing?? We had two other choices at that time - programs that our agency worked with- Guatemala or get back in line for China. Then what I have to believe was a divine hand giving me a final push in the right direction, on the same day that week, Guatemala decided to review adoption processes to comply with the Hague treaty and stopped accepting requests to adopt. AND miracle of miracles - China lifted its quota and began accepting dossiers and matching parents with children in orphanages who were ready to be adopted. About 10 months later - I recieved a photo and info about Avery - my sweet little sprite. Interestingly enough, I was not as disappointed as you might think when Ecuador fell through since it had never felt quite "right." In the back of my mind, I was always wishing we were going back to China. My Avery is child of joy who literally radiates love. She is a silly goofball who makes me laugh every day and is creative, smart, affectionate and much stronger than even she realizes. I get the joy of being told "I love you Mommy" every single day by this amazing little girl.

So, 1.2 billion people and at at the time of my adoptions- an estimated 1 million babies and little girls in orphanges in China. And I am blessed with two children who fit me and one another perfectly. How did that happen? My children balance each other and a share a connection that is deep and wide. Sure they fight as sisters do but are bonded in ways that are far deeper than biology. We are bonded by spirit and purpose. There is a reason that we are all together. We have much to learn and teach one another. Sometimes I look at them and think that my role in building this family was to give them each other as much as it was to become a mom.

As I look at my life and the things that I would like it to include, it sure helps to glance over at my children and remember all of this. Yes, I took action to bring them into my life but it was action driven by purpose, intent and a source higher than myself. My career will move forward even in this economy-I would not have been given the gift of these children without a way to care for them. I will continue to write and will be successful if I do it based on instinct and intuition and tell the stories that I am supposed to tell. And that man who is supposed to be in my life? He will enter it if I am open and realize it may not fall into place exactly as I may have envisioned. I will keep my heart open, love willingly and wait for it to happen. It will happen. As long as I have a little faith.